HopeFF - This is a new ic that my ic recommended. H quit going to another one a while ago who was not helpful at all.
Joie - I do feel like I need to somewhat continue to push him out the door and continue to prepare myself for a D. It's just really hard to have to go through the holidays acting as if we are still a couple when emotionally we are so not..
Hi Hope - good to hear from you!... Yah.. maybe he is trying to buy time in multiple ways. I dunno...
Think back the days when you just started DBing. You feelings were extremely hurt. Yet, you were able to DB. You can still do it now. I try to remind myself that. I feel so exhausted sometimes and just want to say "forget it". But then I try to think of the timeline and can see little/big steps that H made and I know it is working, though as a zig zag line rather than a straight line.
Your H needs to hit bottom first before he can come back. He needs to move out. personally, I won't push him out but I really don't know what is the "correct" action to take. He needs to miss you.
I hope the new ic will help. It's actually good that he is reaching out to someone to get another opinion. good luck on that.
We are about as close to him moving out as we ever have been. Sleeping in another room is actually a big deal for us so there is some distancing there.
If this c is as good as mine, he will definately get help figuring out what he needs to do. He needs someone to give him clarity on the whole sitch so that he can make a good decision.
In the meantime, I've been working on becoming less of an "ice princess" and show more emotion. Let's just say I went off the charts the other night when my H overstepped an obvious boundary. Is that maybe a 180 "gone bad"???
Here's another question. What to do about holiday parties?? Do I still go? You know... work parties, friend parties, etc.??
LO--in regards to both your 180s and the holiday parties: follow your gut. If you want to go, go. If you don't, don't. I bowed out of my yearly NYE friends party last year, and I'm glad I did. Too hard to hang out with other couples.
I'm in agreement that H needs to catch a glimpse of life without you. I hope the new C helps.
Hey about holiday parties...H had the NERVE to tell me I am not ALLOWED to go the one from one my coworkers b/c its a couples thing and I was not to a take a date!!!
I told him Iwas still going..he cant control this anymore...
What I was actually talking about was the Holiday parties that he wants me to go to with him... Should I go to them or not? Do I get him a x-mas gift??
I guess I'm looking at my current situation as kind of an "in-house" separation. He can pretty much do whatever he wants and I can do whatever I want. We sleep in separate beds and no more intimacy. I stopped wearing my wedding ring and his seems to be MIA all of a sudden.. and, life goes on....
What I was actually talking about was the Holiday parties that he wants me to go to with him... Should I go to them or not?
I would do whatever you are comfortable with. If I was you, I would assume the worse that he wants you to go to put on a front. You said that his affair is very secret, so if he didn't bring you to the parties, people might wonder. Your H seems to be very good at living a double life and it's your choice if you're going to help him.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
