Well the children had thanksgiving with WAW, OM and their less than desirable friends in friends less than a home, home but what you said in your e-mail the other day about she may have self esteem issues in respect of who she picked and who she is friends with now. Very different from what she used to be like.
Last week when leaving me a VM about TG plans, she had to when that her voice was shaky and this was because she fell off her push bike and hurt herself. She just had to let me know for some reason. She wants me to feel for her just like when we were together.
I do not know where her mind is at the moment. I am worried about S11 who is not taking to the sitch very well and is rebelling quite badly to it. Does not respect her or OM and is lashing out on her, him and the other siblings.
I wanted to speak to S11 last night and could only get him on OM's home number. WAW picks up and as ususal says I need to talk to you about S11 before you speak to him (this is becoming disturbingly common).
She tells me all the things that he has done wrong since Sunday when I last called him, that she can not do a thing with him, does not know not why the other 3 kids are fine and he is not. Says he may have to stay with me for a while.
She knows I do not have a place for him to stay right now but can not wait until I can have my own place.
I explained why he is feeling this way (because in the fog they must forget that being ripped from his home, father, once feeling safe and secure and now living in a sh*thole of a home with new man, etc. has affected him) and that every child is different and it is not his fault that he is reacting to the sitch differently than the other children.
She can not deal with him and phones OM up to come home to deal with him. I do not think that putting him in his room, locking the door and not giving him dinner (and taking his light bulb out so he can not do anything in his room) is the right way to go about things.
IMHO, I beleive he is getting picked on as he will not fall in line with the rest and it is making WAW's fantasy life unhappy. I also think the OM is resenting my son for this too.
I just think that they made their bed and they have to lie in it. I did not have a say in the matter when she wanted to leave and take the children. She is an adult and she should have thought about the consequences of her actions.
S11 said that WAW cries when the children play up and wears her down.
I always wanted 24/7 access to my children and always hated the thought of that being taken away from me at some point. Now the nightmare has come true.
Like every LBS here with children,it worries me so much about the long term effects of divorce on children. I do not think our WAW's have any ideas. Possibly they think that yeah maybe short term they will have issues but they do not consider long term with trust, relationship, trust issues, etc. that may come up years later in teens or adulthood.
I did not sleep at all last night from all this. I feel like she is saying well 3 out of 4 is o.k. can I get rid of the other one to you and then everything will be perfect.
I know this is not DBing but I told her that with her behaviour lately (to me and children) that I did not trust her on most things anymore, that it upset me very much that I had lost trust in her this way and that was why it was difficult to be friends and communicate with each other as such.
I do not want to lose contact with her, but the Alien spew does become very draining and negative. I will always strive to be the best for my children and will protect them to the death. I just hoped that she could be honest, normal and not an alien and positive about things so that we can have pleasant, happy conversations. Yeah I know, this will not happen.
I got to get ready for work and will check in later. I hope your neck or was it back? is better and everthing is o.k. with you.
It has been 4 months that WAW and children have been living at OM's house. They are putting in flooring for childrens bedrooms and I do not see much change in the sitch. She seems happy with it all at the moment.
S11 is playing them up and she is not happy that he is not falling in line. She seems to agree with OM in respect of the discipline he is dishing out and said that S11 would have to stay with me for a while if he does not change (when I got my own place to live).
It seems she is saying 3 out of 4 kids are o.k. lets get rid of the 4th for a while as he is making life difficult for me and the OM.
I miss her even though I just find it difficult to reamin friends and listen to the negative stuff. I know that I need to work on myself but I feel that the longer she is with this OM and as he goes through more with her and the children, can take the financial and living with children issues, etc. nothing seems to phase him and the WAW at the moment.
I do not know what else to do, am trying to keep positive and GAL, look good and am positive when I see her but feel impatient I guess.
I am just blahhh at the moment and the holidays are coming which is going to be difficult. There is a lot of hard work ahead to get me where I need to be.
Hey Foo... her world will come crashing down sooner or later. Keep DB and remain patient. DR says most of the time it takes longer than we expect it to.
Be the best father you can be, thats the most important thing.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
We're all here rooting for you. Just remember how successful Om's previous R's were and how nicely all the other women folk you know talk about him. He is such a sleaze - sooner or later she will see it and I bet as soon as one child makes it back to you the others will all play up in order to be able to follow.
You keep on doing what you are doing Foo.
(((((HUGS))))))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Wanted to locate children and speak to them. I had to speak to WAW and it ended up to be a long convo. A good one overall and even though I did not achieve much in the R department, it went from D talk to expressing how we feel about each other. I did not DB much but this is what came out of it;
1) We care about each other very much. 2) She thought I hated her for doing what she did. I told her that I was very upset at what she had done but did not hate her. 3) She feels very bad about herself for hurting me but I told her that we were both to blame for the issues in our marriage and I took responsibility for the mistakes that I made. 4) That I forgive her and I forgive myself but It did not mean that I would forget. That these were 2 different things. 5) That if we got back together, it would be a new relationship not the old one. 6) That she was jealous of me for going out on my singles nights (only been once) and thought I was moving on. Although she said she had no right to be jealous. 7) Would be jealous if I had a girlfriend (I am not willing to do this being married and still loving her). 8) Does not like the fact that she is losing the relationship with my family. 9) Told her I was not ready to move on yet even though everyone I know (apart from everone here) wants me to and wanted to save our marriage and that if she wanted to end it she would have to because I will not. 10)She knows the door is open for the time being if she wants to come back and also knows that I know that I can not change or control her to make her do so. 10)There are things she misses about me and us and she knows that I do too. 11) The OM was protecting himself when he verbally attacked me two weeks ago and tried to put a wedge between us. 12)She understands it is difficult to talk with her because it hurts but told her that I love talking to her. However, I told her if we are to do this, that out of respect for me, I do not want to talk to her about OM, her and OM or anything related to that sitch. She understood & agreed.
I did tell her how I feel about her, yes very unDB and I knew that she would not recipricate but it felt good to get all this out in the open and tell each other how we felt. I told her that it was difficult to open up to her, that it was raw and I was afraid to.
I feel that it was positive overall and got some encouragement from it but not taking any real expectations. Too dangerous to do that IMHO.
Well it is a nice change from how I was feeling earlier.
