I don't know if I would go. (you do what you want and feel you should do) but I think the hostility will spill over. Does SMIL already know there is a problem between you two? If so I would call and thanks he for the invitation but with the situation as it is you don't want to make anybody uncomfortable. You ar the only one that knows how this could turn out but if mt W was as angery as you said yours was I would give the kids a hug and tell then We can do something togeather when you get back.
Husband
Last edited by husband; 11/20/0707:16 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Whew. OK, Mark, let's take a sec and think about this.
First, forget all about how you got to this point, whose fault it was, who invited who, and who is "right". (As Dr. Phil says, Would you rather be right or be happy?)
Now, I want you to step back and ask yourself one question: Does going to her parents for Thanksgiving bring you closer to your goal of saving your marriage, or push you farther away?
(And if you "go there" and reply that your goal isn't necessarily to save your marriage today, then I have to ask you a different question: What IS your goal, and are you moving towards it?)
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Whew. OK, Mark, let's take a sec and think about this.
First, forget all about how you got to this point, whose fault it was, who invited who, and who is "right". (As Dr. Phil says, Would you rather be right or be happy?)
Now, I want you to step back and ask yourself one question: Does going to her parents for Thanksgiving bring you closer to your goal of saving your marriage, or push you farther away?
(And if you "go there" and reply that your goal isn't necessarily to save your marriage today, then I have to ask you a different question: What IS your goal, and are you moving towards it?)
The goal is to ensure that my kids enjoy the holiday with their extended family. That's it.
Update: So now... she wants to go visit her brother, five hours away. But (for reasons I don't understand) she also wants to have dinner on Thursday with just us. The five of us, that's it.
Then on Friday, she/we will visit either her father or brother. So my options are: - Go with her on Friday to visit her brother. - Go by myself to see her father. - Stay home when she goes out of town.
I will likely take #3.... She continues to say, "I don't want to have to fake it." - fake like we are a happy couple. And I don't want to fake anything either.
And I never planned to drive in a caravan behind her. The kids would get confused, ask questions, etc. It isn't going to happen that way.
I don't know if I would go. (you do what you want and feel you should do) but I think the hostility will spill over. Does SMIL already know there is a problem between you two? If so I would call and thanks he for the invitation but with the situation as it is you don't want to make anybody uncomfortable. You ar the only one that knows how this could turn out but if mt W was as angery as you said yours was I would give the kids a hug and tell then We can do something togeather when you get back.
Husband
Husband, wife has announced to her family that she is going to seek a divorce from me. So everybody knows.
And you know... if we go anywhere together, the only person who would be uncomfortable would be her.
It now appears that she will be going to see her brother. Which is fine with me. If she goes there, I will stay home. If she goes to her father's, I will go with.
No, no.... she did this months ago. Like July/August. They know that she is full of indecision. This is nothing new!!! Shed no tears for me, please....
As I have said before, I do not want to "force" myself into her family's TG any more than I already have. I am inclined to stay home regardless of where she goes. Maybe this is resignation driven by my depression. I don't know.
What I do know is that I am growing weary of her fence-sitting. Make up your mind!! Dump me and let me get on with my life, or recommit (and hope that it's not too late for me - the clock is ticking).
How was she going to explain you not being there if you didn't/don't go?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Oh, never mind, didn't see that she has already told them that she is wanting a D.
If I could, I'd invite you over to our house
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hang in there!