There is nothing wrong with sex in the Bible. The only real requirement is that it not be harmful physically, mentally, or spiritually, and it is to be between a man and a woman. Beyond that, almost anything goes. Read and understand the Song of Solomen. Your wife is essentially going AGAINST the Bible.
Then you need to figure out what kind of spiritual leader she respects, and then jointly talk to that person together. Either she is "confused", or she is just using that as a mask to enable her to avoid participating in it. There's no biblical teaching against oral sex between a man and a woman, ANYwhere. Other things, could be considered ambiguous. this, is not.
That being said.. i think you should quit obsessing over oral sex. There are way more important issues.
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She also has a problem with me touching her body, unless we are actually having sex. I don't believe she has been abused in anyway in her past.
you may never know. Interesting that you bring up abuse, though. That sure SOUNDS like the reaction of someone who has been abused. sexually.
that's sad to think. I hope that your wife seeks help for her discomfort with human touch. That's a basic human comfort, that it is sad to be without.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
It could be as "simple" as one of two things (coming from experience) (1) she feels if she allows you to touch her, it will always "have" to lead to sex and/or (2) she is just very uncomfortable/self-conscious of her body.
I know one of the "last straws" w/ H was when I finally told him quite angrily to quit grabbing my ass all the time. I saw him as getting kind of "raunchy" when he was doing this and I know now it was b/c he was actually getting quite angry/frustrated w/ my lack of attention to him. He saw it as "HELLO, I'M TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION HERE AND SHOW YOU I FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE."
In other words, actions & "touching her body" is probably seen in two totally different ways by each of you.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I used to cup WAW's ass regularly, or just brush a finger across her breast off handedly, until she started to complain about it. I miss that.
Me:46 Her:40 Daughter:7 She Dropped Bomb:10/7/07 She Filed Papers w/State:10/30/07 I Left Home:11/11/07 I Moved Back In:11/13/07 My Outlook: I want nothing more than a future together and will do whatever it takes. Her Outlook: Been too long coming, I'm done.
I realized I missed it too once he stopped doing it. But, like I said, as he got angrier about our whole M and the way it was going, it seemed like it got more rough and wasn't being done in a loving way anymore. There was a big difference.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I hope that by giving my religion doesn't detract from the intent of my posting, but we are LDS, or Mormon as most call us. Mormon or what ever has never been a problem RTMO.
Some of my neighbors are Mormon; I service a copier for a local stake. I was in the Temple in Montana before it was dedicated. Other LDS men have posted lengthy situations here on the SSM forum, so no, LDS is not a problem.
To help other posters, explain what is OK and not OK according to your beliefs. This helps people know what might work for you, your W, and your marriage.
Maybe list the top 10 things you can and can’t do according to your beliefs.
on proverbs it says how a man should satisfy himself with his woman, and Paul mentions how a woman/man shouldn't deny him/herself unless it is mutual.
We went to a marriage counselor provided by our church, ========================================= was he a trained professional councelor or just an elder? it makes a huge difference, an elder from church with whom I'd confide admonish me to get a trained councelor.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I was much like your W. I thought that oral sex was probably not very appropriate either. I was brought up in a strict religious home. I had some hang-ups for a long time. It was very, very hard for me to get to the place that I could totally be uninhibited. In fact, I don't know that I ever did completely. But what concerns me is that I am afraid the two of you will end up like me and my H and I don't want that for you. He was much like you are and he decided if we had sex then I would be the one to start it.....it didn't happen. So, you are cutting your nose off to spite your face when you have that attitude.
If you know what her "love language" is, then by all means use it. Mine was intimate conversation.....which I never got except one time and I almost ate him up that night. You would think he would have gotten the hint....but guess not. Acts of service or gifts or any of that stuff did nothing for me. Everytime he cleaned house or did any stuff I had been asking for ever....I knew why he was doing it and it would just turn me off more. He always had that look in his eyes. But, he wouldn't talk to me...and that was what I was starved for.
Don't give up trying to find help. Maybe a doctor could give her something to help her. But, mostly the right kind of therapy is needed. There are actually some good sex books at the Christian book stores. Dr. James Dobson and Gary Smalley has written some good books.
I think if the two of you could find the "right" counselor, it would unlock some hidden problems that you could deal with and work this out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
