who knows.... i think it depends both on MC, and on your wife's frame of mind at the moment. Why did you say she wants it to be "divorce counselling"? is that just paranoia on your part, or has she said something specific like that?
Yes, she has said that she is not willing to work on the M at all, she is done. She wants to pursue things with OM, although there is no logistical way that is going to work. Anyhow, she has told me that she wants to see someone to stop the madness and help us figure out the next step in our D.
I know and understand that she is not playing fair, and I am willing to accept that however, I will need to vent from time to time as it is painful. For example, she wants the financial benefits of this marriage without the work. She wants my insurance, my paycheck, and my relocation to our home state but she will do nothing for it other than to tell me that I deserive the bed I have made at this point. She has been sure to tell me more than once that for all that I have done to her over hte years that I deserve this spot in life.
Maybe I do, but the reality is that I am making the best of the sitch but it is difficult because I am not too sure how I am suppose to respond to any sitch. I would like to be very positive and outgoing, but hard to do so when you are being hit with a vacuum!
I know this is crazy and most people would have given up on this M, but I really believe that we can work this out and that we can be better for it. I just need something to change the balance right now in her heart. She is so one sided about all of this, but there are times when I can see the glipse that she wants something other than what we have and where we were. I saw it last week when I slept over and took care of her. Shoot I even saw it this morning when she got mad that I had received a call from another person.
I have asked her how I am suppose to manage this space thing and I get such guarded responses. For example, this morning she told me that I need to just give her space when she asks for it. If she tells me to leave I should leave. Well, dummy hound you know that but are too stupid to do so before it gets out of hand. Then there are times where she does not want me around at all. I think that if I can continue this GAL stuff and really work on not talking about R/D during my visits that they will be more frequent.
I need to balance 180/LRT etc. You know stop pursuing is hard because there are so many moments of normalcy so many times when she uses pet names for me or talks about our future without the D i.e. when she talks about building a playhouse for the boys at our new house. But then the next moment it is do you think that I can afford x for a house when we move.
I have gotten away from saying that all we have to do is make one choice everyday to make our llives better to telling myself that I need to do one thing everyday to make her life easier. I really belive that I can do that, just one thing a day will be better than what I had done for years....
This sucks!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
