Why can't I do this....

[Dom R]

Dom, how would you suggest that I move forward, should I spend time evryday over there, if I am welcome doing what I can to demonstrate my change?

I think that you need to be living in your family home, with your wife.


I am not sure how to speak without causing more damage here. If I agree, I am told that I am just doing so because I am in the dog house. If I speak my mind I am a POS. If I do what I want to do and work like crazy on new behavior it is because I am in the dog house. If I miss something or mess up on something then I am a POS.

To be honest, your wife isnt "playing fair". She is treating you badly.
However, by your own statements, you have "treated DW like crap for years". So.... i reckon it's your turn to just deal with it. Take it like a man, and shut up
Basically, I think it's a chance for her to work off some of her anger and resentment of you.

If you treat her well, CONSISTENTLY... then eventually, she'll run out of anger, and you'll hopefully be able to have a saner relationship with her.

sounds like it's gonna take a long time, though.

So, when she says you're only agreeing/whatever because you're "in the dog house"... just tell her "time will tell" or something. ie: "wait and see ".

An important thing to keep in mind, though, is to really make it so that your behaviour isnt "just because you're in the doghouse".
Behave like you think you should, for the next 10 years.
Not like you should for the next 5 months.
Otherwise... she'd be right about what she's saying.

Do you think that this MC could be a mistake?

who knows.... i think it depends both on MC, and on your wife's frame of mind at the moment.
Why did you say she wants it to be "divorce counselling"? is that just paranoia on your part, or has she said something specific like that?

Should I give her space as she is asking? She wants me to give her space, but I don't know how to do that if she is wanting me to be there to keep up my end of the bargan.

well, one way to figure this out would be.... to ASK HER!

otherwise... there are always things you can do.
Set up a "den" for yourself in the garage, or get used to being in the garden most of the time.
Something like that.

Be available when she wants to be, and keep out of her way, when she doesnt want you. Simple as that, I reckon.