Rob makes some very good points but please don't be so quick to apply the dreaded *MLC* label.
I think about quitting my job all the time. A spot on the beach on some island is appealing. But I don't. But I do keep my options open.
SD - after several years doing the same job - well that is reason enough to consider a change. Maybe he is in a rut. Maybe he needs a growth spurt.
You and H are different. You need a plan and definite decisions - he needs things to be open ended and spontaneous. You have different temperments (yes, I have been reading).
That is not bad b/c that difference is what attracted you to each other in the first place.
So, why not try to help him here? There are several good books on career changes and finding your *true* career path. Some have question type formats - answer the questions and look up possible choices based on your answers.
You can be of great help with the organization of this "quest". Helping identify the careers, training needed, resume writing, etc. I think your temperment is for organization, so it would work for you.
But tell him that while you support this "quest" of his, you still need to eat. Quit his job? Sure, but after he has another one lined up.
If he does not want a job, well that is different. Then, all I know to do is to remind him of his responsibility and that you cannot see yourself living in a car somewhere. Set the boundary - then it becomes his choice.
SD, Would he quit his job as he says? Has he done that in the past? Maybe it's frustration talk. How bad is his job situation? Is it affecting his health?
I know what it's like to have a spouse who isn't happy with their work life. My W hasn't had a job she's enjoyed as long as we've been married.
Myself and her sister used to look at job ads for her, and send out resumes for her because we got tired of her complaining and not doing anything about it. She also wasn't good at self-intitiative, and felt powereless to do anything about it. We don't do that anymore, and let her own the problem, but am willing to help if she asks for it.
Is he job hunting? Does he need help with the job hunting process? Can you two partner on this?
Is he in a complaining mode, but not ready to make a commitment to job hunt? If that's the case, you need to not take on his problem of job dissatisfaction, but wait until he's ready to work at it.
Is he not giving you any reassurance that he understands his responsibility to contribute to the finances?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
OK - a few questions (BTW I agree his plan is loopy)
1. What did you say to his plan to quit his job without a new one to go to? 2. Did you point out to him that you'd be short of cash? Is he fully aware of the financial implications? If so, what did he say? 3. Have you told him you are not prepared to risk going bankrupt and if he decided to take that risk you would walk? If so, what was his reaction?
Gosh i sound clinical tonight! Sorry - glad you've posted, was getting worried about you!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Things are better with H and me. He is including me in the conversation, and that makes all the difference.
Okay, new question:
My parents are arriving for a visit today, staying through the weekend. Because until 2 years ago we lived in the same city, they've never stayed with us. I haven't spent this much time with my parents since I moved out of their house in my 20s!
Any tips for handling this? H's parents (both sets...they're divorced) have stayed with us a million times, and that's been no big deal...I guess because I'm really detached there. But...though my mom and I have built a pretty good R, our history is fairly contentious. We're just incredibly different people...and we clash a lot. Our R is better from afar.
Other than staying "tiddled" all week, any ideas?
Thanks!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
First of all - GREAT NEWS that you and H are doing better. I think he is really prone to backsliding - keep him "honest"!
As far as your parents - c'mon, I think you know exactly the answer to your question, don't you? DB THEM! For example, if your mom gets "contentious", put on your Wise Master DBer "I Know Something You Don't Know" Smile and think to yourself "I can't control how you act towards me, but I CAN control how I react!"
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
