How do you handle being together for the holidays when you are separated by geography? It is so hard to maintain the 180's when I actually am with her.
Also -- I am afraid that she is just waiting until after the holidays to drop the bomb. but I don't want to push. She never seems happy and looked stressed out. Said she has gained weight.
Seeing her brings it all back -- thankfully I have held it together so far. But 3 days next week will be difficult.
I keep expecting her to be or at least act happy when she talks to me - to let me know that she is in a better place. What do I make of this, if anything?
She just texted me to ask my help with her iPod...
Hope that doens't mean Dead On Arriaval...cause if it does I'm just going to call you D then.
Handling the 180's is hard when she is around? Well, see that is why these changes are for you and not her and not a ploy to win her back. We do the 180's because we realize there is something we need to change in ourselves. That is the only REAL way change sticks, change for us and no one else. Re-evalute why you made these 180's. OK? Make sure they are things that improve you and that you want to make them.
Here are some words you choose to use in your posts:
Quote:
I am afraid that she is waiting... I keep expecting... To let me know...
Any idea where I am going with these?
Stop expecting anything from her. Good or bad. You must become the Master of living in the moment with her. Stop trying to see down the road with her. We LBS tend to dwell on the bad things that may or may NOT happen, and it affects how we interact with them.
I am glad that you had a good weekend with her.
As for the jealousy in the OM, that may or may not be there. YOU LET HIM BECOME THE JEALOUS ONE. You let her see that side of him, it takes the shine off of him. Do not let her see that side of you. Believe it or not this is your chance to sabotage him a little. Also never bring him up with her, never attack him or put him down in front of her, she will defend him; and it will alienate you. Please believe me.
Losing their new habits? Heh, yeah they are looking for a change so they will try new things not many of them seem to stick. Including new friends and new looks.
Asking for help with things? That is nice, that is all you need to take that for.
Do not over analzye everything, unless you like overwhelming you mind.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I have not brought up OM since I first confronted her about it. I do feel a kind of strength in that I do not feel as needy as I peceive him to be in my mind. Even if I am wrong it helps me to visualize this happening!
Thanksgiving will be hard. Her sibling will be staying with us, and she was D last year. I think at first sibling was very suportive, but now maybe not so much. One of her other siblings is very upset about the sitch and we will all be there together... I did tell her that I understood how stressful this holiday will be and that I would not add more to the situation.
The workout thing really threw me. That was a huge part of her life as all of this began to come out. She really looks/acts depressed. And all I want to do is help - even though I know there is nothing I can do!
i do wich I could stop over anaylzing everything. i just can't seem to stop.
It's funny about the asking for help. She never says thanks -- although I guess she did say thanks for letting her stay at my apt when she brought the kids.
That's what scares me -- she is stubborn and prideful and I want to find a way to tell her that I understand what she is going through, but there is nothing that we cannot overcome and the door is always open.
