I'm doing my best to keep it internal. I'm very good at over analyzing. Trying to do all my talking here. I believe that I kept a good appearance with her in person. Last night and today were brutal, but only in my own mind.
I'm doing my best to keep it internal. I'm very good at over analyzing. Trying to do all my talking here. I believe that I kept a good appearance with her in person. Last night and today were brutal, but only in my own mind.
You'll have days that just plain suck. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about that. You get to a point where things they do and say (particularly say) don't mean so much and don't get under your skin in the same way.
You're here - That's the first step. Read the books, read some other threads, follow the rules and just see what happens. If anything, DB'ing doesn't make it worse... Stupid stuff we'd do automatically will.
Feeling much better today. I spent my drive home last night thinking about all the things I'll do when I have time to myself and/or the positives of being on my own. By the time I got home I had my head in the right place and was able to be really positive. I told W that I that I had a good day and actually meant it. It seemed to suprise her.
Feeling much better today. I spent my drive home last night thinking about all the things I'll do when I have time to myself and/or the positives of being on my own. By the time I got home I had my head in the right place and was able to be really positive. I told W that I that I had a good day and actually meant it. It seemed to suprise her.
Oh yeah - They get confused when you tell them all the fun stuff you're doing. I think that's when they realize that they're missing out on something. It is, of course, good for your own mental and emotional health to have fun and get out to do things.
Give it a few weeks - It's kind of nice to be on your own. I realize that sounds strange, but I enjoy the time to myself.
I'm going to figure out a way to get out this weekend and do some things both on my own and maybe I'll take the kids to give the W some "quiet time". I like going out more than she does and haven't been doing it enough lately.
The hardest thing for me to deal with right now is that I’ve lost my best friend. The person I could tell anything to and she’d understand. The person who stood by me through everything good and bad over the past twenty years.
I can’t tell my best friend that I’ve stared into my own personal hell and I now know I’ll survive. I’ve faced one of my worst fears and I’m still breathing.
I can’t tell her that I now know that I need to make myself happy and no one else can. That I relied on my wife to make me happy all these years simply because she was so good at it. That now while I’m still in hell, I can find little things that make me happy. That I still have things that I look forward to doing. That I know I’ll keep breathing.
I can’t talk to her about any of this and there is a good chance I never will be able to tell her these things.
I miss my wife, my lover and the mother of my children. But I miss my best friend most of all.
I know exactly how you feel. I never had such a good friend as I had in my W. I hope and pray that someday we'll get back to that point. For now I've been rekindling relationships with old friends. You might be surprised by their willingness to have you lean on them for support. I know that I was.
Thank you for sharing. B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
