My Wife wants out..still!!

[dadtotwo]

My W and I met for three hours last night to discuss a parenting schedule. It is quite a task to work out all the days, holidays, vacations etc. After finishing that , she brought up money and what I would agree to give her and what expenses I would cover. I was non-commital which got her upset. I stayed calm and said that I can't talk to her if she will not be civil.

Then she started talking about R/M and why she had to leave. She said because of the financial stress she did this to survive. It was such a stressful ordeal for those few years and finally had to make the decision to move on. She said that she has to be angry with me so she can stay strong to see this through.

I listened and validated all her points and acknowledged how she was feeling. She was very emotional because she sees how our kids cry when I drop them off. She says that she cries when I pick up the kids for a few days. To her, the holidays are going to s**k because of the sitch.

She went on to say that she sees that I think she has a great life now and everything is just ideal. She said that her life is far from ideal considering that she is 40 years old w/2 children living in her parents house. The tears just keep coming while she talked about how our kids will be bounced around and that this all could have been avoided. I had hurt her deeply by putting our family in such bad financial trouble.

I agreed with her feelings and told her that I am sorry that I forgot about her through all of this and she said that she felt my distance. I added that things can be different to which she replied that she wants to believe me and it s**cks that she can't. I put on my coat getting ready to leave while she continued to cry. I embraced her warmly and stroked her hair like I used to do. We stood there for about a minute and finally we parted. I kissed her on the forehead and politely said goodnight.

I made certain to not talk about me, our R/M or try to convince her to try again. I felt that this was an emotional time where the reality of our D and what life will be like is hitting home. This doesn't mean that she will change her mind tomorrow but there is a sense of confusion for her which I still think has something to do with deciding between us as a family or wanting to see where she and the OM may be heading. It is also going to be difficult because her pride may stand in the way since the whole family knows about us.

I also noticed that there was a picture of her and me when my D was born that was somewhat hidden but out nonetheless. I would not have expected that she would have a single picture of us around and would have buried them or burned them by now.

It is so sad to be discussing our parenting schedule like our kids are some type of livestock. I am so sad that this has happened and could have been avoided. I am also sad that she chose to look elsewhere in her emotional state and may not be giving our M/R/F the clearest thought possible.

Overall, it was somewhat positive. My W sees that I am not dragging my feet and avoiding the D. More importantly, the reality of our kid's future is starting to take shape and we are heading toward co-parenting. I will leave her alone and not push the issue for now.

I truly love her and I can only hope that she will find it in her heart to forgive me and see that our R/M/F are worth trying again.