I am so, so sorry you are having such a tough time again... I just wish you could let yourself believe that you can do this...all of your friends here believe in you, you know. I wish we were there so we could offer more tangible, physical support to you than this.
That being said, Being with H is NOT going to help you get to a good place...deep down, you know that, too. This is your addiction; don't I remember you having a list of people to contact when you are about to fall off the wagon? Is it too late today to call one of them to go with you to IC instead?
I'll check in with you later... just wanted to send some hugs your way this morning...
