What I am saying is that the call on your life right now is not to be "nice and sweet". Nice and sweet are social conventions, they are, in a word, boring.
You are, however, called to be strong, good, self-confident, kind, brave, resourceful, passionate, dangerous...maybe even wild.
Stating your boundaries means you respect yourself and expect that from him. By the way -- that's attractive. People don't really want doormats for spouses.
In addition to that, you are to be strong, sexy, unpredictable, self-confident and passionate. That's that's attractive, too.
He was attracted to her sexuality because that was missing in your marriage. But the sexualty, danger, wildness and passsion also are emotional pulls. Bringing out his bad boy is an emotional pull, because he sees himself as different, new and exciting as reflected in her desire for him. It's not what the other person, is, per say, it's how they make you feel about yourself.
A proper, successful, hard-working, stable, nice, sweet, responsible but emotionally distant and non-sexual wife will make him feel stifled, suffocated and un-alive.
Good does need to equal boring.
So let's look at some examples.
This woman is Judas; you be Christ.
This woman is Loki (the trickster); you be Thor.
This woman is a Ninja; you be a Samurai.
This woman is a Terrorist; you be a Green Beret.
This woman is Medusa; you be Aphrodite.
This woman is Catwoman; you be Batgirl.
This woman is Mary Queen of Scots; you be Queen Elizabeth
This woman is Dracula; you be Van Helsing
This woman is the Ice Queen; you be Aslan
This woman is Saruman; you be Gandalf or Galadriel.
You get the point. None of these good and noble characters was nice, safe, or sweet, they were, however, forces to be reckoned with.
So what can you do, what hobbies or activities can you take up that will help you live out your call to adventure?
