Mark, I missunderstood. I did not know it was going to ba a "suprise". I would tell her that you spoke to them and agreed to go. Then it is her choice to go or not.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
OK, I never planned for it to be a surprise. I was planning to act "as if" we were all going. Presume that she spoke to her step-mom, and that we are all going. Then, in the event she does not want to go, then drop the "bomb" that I am taking the kids, and leave without her (if she declines my offer to take all of us - not likely).
Mark, I think you should call MIL and tell her that you all will definitely be coming, then tell your wife. If she says that she doesn't want to go, tell her "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I've already talked to MIL and she is expecting us. I don't want the inlaws or the kids to do be disappointed." Be strong, it will floor her. I don't think she will turn you down, but if she does, oh well it's her loss. You and the rest of the family will enjoy each other!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Thank you all for all the compliments. I'm telling you, in my own house, I'm not considered to be so smart. When my daughter is home for Xmas, I will let her explain it to you all. Then again, maybe I should just let things be this way. Yes, I am Sara, the wise.
I think you should call MIL and tell her that you all will definitely be coming, then tell your wife. If she says that she doesn't want to go, tell her "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I've already talked to MIL and she is expecting us. I don't want the inlaws or the kids to do be disappointed." Be strong, it will floor her. I don't think she will turn you down, but if she does, oh well it's her loss. You and the rest of the family will enjoy each other!
I don't completely agree with this.
Yes, you should go, and you should take the kids. That's assuming control of YOU, and doing what YOU want to do.
However, I would not tell MIL first. That still has that nasty surprise element to it, and is just manipulative - trying to back W into a corner where she is forced to go, or to be embarrassed by backing out. It also puts you in the middle, between W and her stepmom. Why would you want to be in that spot?
Instead, tell W that you and the kids are going - tell W that you hope she will join you. Let her decide if she will. THEN you tell SMIL.
There is a big difference between "YOU acting as if" and "trying to force W to act as if".
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
This was already done. "I spoke to my step-MIL today (I called to thank her for sending a gift to our family). She invited us to go to see her and my FIL (and my wife's step-bro & his wife) for TG (they live about 200 miles away)."
How is this "trying to back W into a corner where she is forced to go, or to be embarrassed by backing out" Are WE not tired of trying to protect our spouses from the embarrassment THEY caused. I don’t know about you but I have no problem telling anybody what happened. Now My W she has a problem with this. Why? If it was the Right thing to do why be “embarrassed”. Maybe is not so right. Ok let’s walk on egg shells. Let’s “protect our spouses so they are not “embarrassed”. If you condone something then you approve of it. (Maybe if they didn’t Bare their A$$ they would not be embarrassed.) Mark didn't call MIL and ask to be invited. If he did then yes he is trying to “embarrass” his wife. But His "Family" was invited.
Mark No surprises just tell the W what you told us. You called to say thank-you and were invited to go. YOU think it is a good Idea because the kids have not seen them for a while.
And Yes TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY
H
Last edited by husband; 11/20/0712:21 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
This may all be moot, as step-MIL told me she was going to call wife yesterday. So what I think happened is that SMIL invited all of us (explicitly). Wife probably responded that we will be there. But I don't know because I have not asked. But I would be surprised if she declined the invite.
So... I will not tell SMIL in advance. Either tonight or tomorrow, I will tell wife that I spoke to SMIL (however, wife may see this as manipulative), and SMIL mentioned TG. Then wait for a response. She will say either:
- "So...?" Then my response will be to say that I am planning to take the kids, and she is welcome to join us.
- "I was planning to go with the kids." My response will be to state that I, too, was invited, and I was planning to go.
- "I am taking the kids, and I prefer that you not go with us." Very unlikely response. In the event she says this, I will state that I, too, was invited and I was planning to attend. Then wait to see if she holds firm on going without me. If she sticks to her guns (again, not likely), then I will let her go. I don't have much of a choice. I need to let her go.
