Well, I'm afraid you won't like my reponse to your stitch b/c I am going to sound much like some of your friends that you say are negative. I went over the thread rather fast, so I may have missed some things, but I think what you said in the beginning here still sums up where you exh is:
Quote:
He does think its unreasonable of me to ask him to not have contact with her as we are just in the 'friends' stage and seeing if we can work together for this child. Yet, he calls me, comes over, and wants to be a part of my life without the commitment.
You see, sweetie, IMHO, you two may have been legally D, but you never lived it. Nothing I saw in the thread even implied that the two of you were D. He may have lived in a different house, but that doesn't mean anything. He still had all the benefits of M life plus the benefits of a single life. I saw where you said you tried to go dark, but then in just a few days, it was right back like it had been. That is not going dark.
I also wonder if this is all for the baby's sake. How do you really feel about him? Do you really want him back? Is it a matter of "winning" him from the OW? Can you ever trust him again?
Are you still being intimate with him? That is the thing I don't get. If you D the man, why on earth were you still having sex with him? Plus, if you were legally D at the time you got pregnant, does he have any legal claims on your child? I guess it depends on the state you live in, I don't know about that part. I hear you say in your post that he refers to how you can't keep him from his child....yada, yada,.......but what about how he feels about you? Would he want to come back to you if you weren't pregnant?
If this OW is a teacher where the children are enrolled in school, then she will always be lurking around in the shadows. Is there any other school where they can attend?
I think he has not made a hard enough statement or impact toward the decision of R......if indeed that is his intentions. Read Dr. James Dobson's Tough Love. They must be forced into making a decision of who they want to spend their lives with and know they can't have both women! As Dr. Dobson points out, as long as he can have both, in some fashion or manner, he will continue to work it out so he can do that.
This man has not had to do without his wife or the OW! I'm sorry sweetie, but I would have a very hard time believing him. I think he would have to prove himself to me before I could live with him in a M. I would not be intimate with him. How is he going to miss anything he has not had to do without? He has not had to do without you......even though you are Divorced!!! Don't you see that? He comes and goes as he pleases. He runs back and forth between you and the OW.
Who is keeping the step-daughter? Does she live with you or her mother? Surely, you are not having to raise his daughter.
Anway, I believe this man has used you terribly. Listen to your friends. I know you want to come here and have people validate you and tell you everything is going to be fine and just hang in there and keep doing what you are doing.....but I believe in drawing the line in the sand and when they cross over....that's it. Then, if they want to go through a period of really proving themselves....that's another story. But when I say a period....I am talking a lot longer than a week or two.
Sorry if I did not say what you wanted to hear. I hope you will get lots of "attitude" and spunk and stop letting him use you. Get a life, sweetie. One that does not include seeing him everywhere you go (i.e. the ball games). A life that certainly does not include seeing OW. That's all I've head about is you going to the kid's activities. What do you do for you?
Take care. You are going through so much while being pregnant. It's not fair to you. He is so selfish thinking only of himself at a time like this. Remember how you felt when he left for his hunting trip? Maybe that was a hint. You need to stay away from him. If he wants schedule visits with the kids (you know, like real divorced people have), then do it.....but stay away from him and see just how badly he wants you......or if you still want him back. Neither of you have had a chance to find out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
