I Don't Care Anymore

[Rob1231]

I think you should call MIL and tell her that you all will definitely be coming, then tell your wife. If she says that she doesn't want to go, tell her "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I've already talked to MIL and she is expecting us. I don't want the inlaws or the kids to do be disappointed." Be strong, it will floor her. I don't think she will turn you down, but if she does, oh well it's her loss. You and the rest of the family will enjoy each other!

I don't completely agree with this.

Yes, you should go, and you should take the kids. That's assuming control of YOU, and doing what YOU want to do.

However, I would not tell MIL first. That still has that nasty surprise element to it, and is just manipulative - trying to back W into a corner where she is forced to go, or to be embarrassed by backing out. It also puts you in the middle, between W and her stepmom. Why would you want to be in that spot?

Instead, tell W that you and the kids are going - tell W that you hope she will join you. Let her decide if she will. THEN you tell SMIL.

There is a big difference between "YOU acting as if" and "trying to force W to act as if".