No offence taken. I have blocked out what my wife and OM does in that way. Do not think about it which has saved my sanity I am sure. I do not know why or how I have blocked it but it is a blessing that I do not think about it I suppose.
I have e-mailed you personnally about makingherhappy.com and the e-book. I would appreciate it very much if you could send it.
I really appreciate your insight and advice. Please keep it coming on here or by my e-mail. I would be interested to learn from you in respect of your situation if you ever want to tell it.
We are all on a very difficult journey in our lives and I think everyone is courageous and has a common bond and friendship.
I saw the children today and saw my WAW. I told her that I had been to my S11 parent teacher meeting on Friday and she said I thought we were going together. I said that we had spoken about this a month ago and you have not approached me since to arrange anything so I went ahead and did it myself.
S11 is failing math and social studies in 6th Grade. I do not blame him with everything he has had to go through. He does not like OM and the situation he is in and does not get any help from WAW or OM with his homework and gets picked on by OM for being a typical boy of 11 years old.
She did not like me doing this without her but I do not care as she has not shown much respect or love and attention to S11 in my opinion and he needs help through this sitch and I am going to support him as any good father would.
WAW does things regarding the children that she does not involve me in and does not tell me about. Why the fu** does she do this and then get pissy when I do it for my son's well being.
I had to laugh. She said did you see his teachers. I said yes it was a parent teacher conference about S11 and therefore, I saw his teachers. She said what did you talk about. I said you can read it in the e-mail I sent you.
I am worried about OM's discipline of S11 and told the teachers and counselor of this. I want them to keep an eye out for changes in S11 emotional state and if they find any physical evidence of abuse, to get involved. Counselor said they have to report to CPS by law if they suspect anything.
I may be over reacting but I feel more comfortable that they are watching out for him as well.
I also asked her whether she had heard from her Mother lately and WAW said not for 2 weeks as she had not sent birthday cards in mail, only e-cards. So they were not talking. I said that I wanted to e-mail her (I want to make my peace as I had dis-owned her for telling my WAW to ransack the house for furniture and to take all the money from the joint bank account).
MIL advice to WAW was evil towards me. So why contact her? I do not know exactly, I can not really explain it but I feel a lot different in myself since the bomb, now DB'ing and feeling more calm and confident. May be a spiritual thing going on where I need to forgive people/WAW/me.
Does this make sense to anyone on these boards?
WAW said why do you want to contact my mother, Is there a problem? WTF is my WAW worried about? is there a problem? I said no, you are the one with the issue with your mother and you are the one who has to deal with it. I just want to contact her.
Lastly, I asked her what was going on for Thanksgiving in respect of the kids for sharing the day as I did not want to interfere with the dinner and she said they were not having Thanksgiving! I said why, we always had Thanksgiving even in England. She did not give an answer. I asked S11 later and he said that it was most probably because WAW's Mother would not be coming as OM's house is the pits and she would not even want to walk into it.
However, why can she not have a Thanksgiving just with OM and children? My WAW is acting stranger and stranger and I am getting fed up with all the bs. I have lost respect for her in relation to what she is or is not doing regarding the children and what she has put them through and at this point I am not sure whether I would take her back if she wanted to come back. I think she is immature, needy of OM and insecure as well as neglectful of the children (selfish) and OM is welcome to it.
I will do everything for my children and myself and that is it. I know this may not be divorce busting but I feel as though I am changing, getting stronger, know where my priorities lie and moving on.
I must say, the situation you are facing is among the toughest one can face.
Your priorities are clear...get a job and stable housing to provide a place for your kids when you have them.
If it turns out the OM is abusive, then you'll be able, at least, to have a place for them to go.
Talk to the leaders in your church about this. Maybe they can help, get the word out about you needing a job, etc. Remember, the US is not at socialized as the UK, and places like Texas are even more lassiez-faire than the rest of the US in their social policies. It's the private sector that does the social work. The church is BIG in Texas, and many social services happen through it.
In general, talking to your MIL will not help. She's not an ally. You don't need to make your "peace" with her. It'll only create more tension with your wife. It's wasted energy.
Don't worry about your wife's Thanksgiving plans. If there's some way you can invite your kids (and maybe your wife) somewhere for Thanksgiving, do so. Again, wasted energy.
This is a marathon. All of us have wasted energy on fruitless paths. The main task is: take care of yourself. If you don't have a job or a home, you can't care for the kids. So take care of yourself SO that you can take care of the kids. Second task is take care of the kids. The only time you should "go after" your wife or OM is for the kids' well-being. You are not in a position to do that now. If social services takes the kids from your wife, they will be put with your MIL or foster parents unless you have a home. And child abuse is rampant in foster care.
If you can save youself and start really living, MAYBE your wife will turn around.
I'm deeply moved and deeply sorry this is happening to you.
I must say, the situation you are facing is among the toughest one can face.
That is what I feel as well. It is not like she moved into an apartment with the children and had to manage on her own. She is already living with OM in his house.
Quote:
If you can save youself and start really living, MAYBE your wife will turn around.
Yes I agree, the children and I come first. Must sort out the financial side for everyone concerned.
I am losing the will to save the sitch after being respectful of my wife through all this and her just dropping that she has letters from the Attorney General stating they are coming to me for child support after she claimed medical insurance for her and the children and food stamps as a seperated wife.
She said that she would not go for divorce until I had money/regular income and could pay child support. I respected her for that but felt bad that in myself that I could not support the children.
I am looking for a job. I just wish this had not happened until I had one. Just a bad day for news I suppose and feel a bit down hearing it and do not want to be in contact with her after hearing her problems.
Quote:
I'm deeply moved and deeply sorry this is happening to you.
Thank you for your kind words. Sh*t happens in life and you have to rise above it. I am tired and have more immediate concerns regarding finances and being the best father for my children.
I just forwarded the original e-mail to you and used the same address that you gave me before and earlier today. I do understand that you are spelling out the dot and at.
Please look out for it and if it is not coming through then there is an issue somewhere.
I am losing the will to save the sitch after being respectful of my wife through all this and her just dropping that she has letters from the Attorney General stating they are coming to me for child support after she claimed medical insurance for her and the children and food stamps as a seperated wife.
Friend, get a lawyer. She abandoned the family home and took your children from you. It was a non legal involuntary separation on your part. Who is she to "send" the Attorney General to you.
Quote:
She said that she would not go for divorce until I had money/regular income and could pay child support. I respected her for that but felt bad that in myself that I could not support the children.
Friend, stop feeling bad that you don't have a job. You'll get one soon enough. The reason she's waiting to divorce you is not out of kindness, but to get as much as she can out of you. She's only thinking though her depression and selfishness. Again, talk to a lawyer.
Regarding jobs...have you considered UPS (United Parcel Service)? They are always hiring and the benefits are good, even for part-timers.
Oh yes, and talk to your church about this. Tell them everything. Ask for help.
