Maybe not too complicated to understand

[Michael Mc C]

I see your point. The way things go on a daily basis has a lot to do with how WE let them go.

My wife and I had a discussion this afternoon that I was not expecting nor prepared for. She told me what has been a huge factor in all of this.

She feels like a non-entity here, a mom, someone to clean up and make sure that everything is taken care of for everyone else. She doesn't feel sexy, she doesn't feel appreciated, she doesn't feel like a woman. She feels that when she does try to do something for herself to help feel like a woman she gets crap from me for spending too much money.

She is tired of being married because this is what you get when you're married.

I held her and told her that I do find her desirable and that she is so much more than just a mom or a housekeeper. I told her that I have been learning how to communicate these things to her better.

It turns out that over the past week or so, my attempts to let her know that I do find her desirable and sexy were taken as sexual inuendos only. She felt that I was looking to get some and my actions and comments were pushing her away more than anything else. Obviously my delivery is not what it should be.

As for feeling unappreciated, either this is a legacy feeling she is bringing up or I haven't been doing enough to express this. I "tell" her how much I appreciate her but maybe I don't "show" it.

There could be a bit of a self-esteem issue involved here as well but I can't just assume I've done everything I could have to help her feel good about herself. That "help" is on purpose as I'm fairly confident my wife does not "need" me to feel good about herself.

Anyway, something else to mull over in all my spare time...

Have a great night everyone. Haven't been on the board too much lately. Trying to keep up with life as well as this but I have to let life step in - kids and job and just having a good time.