I'll try real hard to make this a short story! M: 20 years DH & I were best friends. Talked hours a day on the phone. Told each other EVERYTHING. Us against the world, we're on our 4th state to state move in 3 years. 1/07 he hired this HW 2/07 HW told him she wanted to f*** him at a conf. that was job related. He took her up on it in the suite the company provided him. 3/07 I catch on after seeing that he had taken a personal day earlier Hmmmm, where COULD he have been??? I did get the consolation dinner out afterwards though. Within 24 hrs he swore he would stop, he was lonely, it just happened, he had been unhappy for a year and was leaving anyway. SSSD 4/07 HWs H call my DH. My H offers up this gem "I know you guys are having problems, she and I are just friends. My wife was not happy about it and I know better than to talk intimately to another man's wife. But, she feels like she can confide in me. I'd be happy to sit down with you both if you'd like. WTH? I can't believe the redneck didn't come over and shoot him. From that point til now it's been a trainwreck. A couple months of "I swear I ended it, to she's my best friend and I'd be hurt if you forced me to not be her friend." Eventually reaching the point to where he wouldn't say anything to me other than "I want a divorce" he started staying with her a couple nights a week. Nearly drove me crazy. I nagged the crap out of him. (Didn't do my research early on, I've always been the opinion he listens to and I thought I could talk sense into him.) Finally let it all go, told him I just couldn't worry about it anymore and WaaaaLaaaa he valued our friendship too much to lose it. He told HW we'd always share a friendship & a past. Wanted to take me out to dinner once a week, talk daily and spend weekends at my house. Whatever dude! After a few weeks of this he tells me he's realized it will never work with HW and was thinking we could try again. I agreed, had a good couple weeks and since then it's the same old. Should have totally been harder to get! About once a month he informs me he's ended it. Shouldn't expect any calls from her! It's over. Sometimes it lasts as long as a week. Big time fence sitting. I just found DB and have ordered the book. Started the 180 already. On the advice of a friend I had put a recorder in his car. YIKES, first I'm pizzed and hurt, then I'm shocked. Let's just say, I didn't know you could physically DO those things in a Nissan. After biting my tongue for a week with him going on & on about how it made him angry when I accused him of things he didn't do, I confronted him this weekend. (I know, I know. I promise, no more.) His response? He laughed and said "that's nothing. We're not having sex! See you just got yourself upset over nothing!" First told me we were going to make it work, got POd later and said I would never let it die and he was leaving. We're through. Came back a couple hours later. Got up the next morning, said let's get our separation papers together, this will never work. I said good. I told you last night, I'm over it. When & if you commit to lay off, I'll talk. I won't give HW one more minute of my time. I've wasted too much already. He suggested we stay in the house together. That's his usual, he wanted to do that last time. I said no, didn't feel good about that. You wanna leave, you need to leave. He just sit there. Then I said, I'm not really interested in a divorce. You have two options. Get your things and go or you can stay til 01/01/08. You say you don't have "that kind" of relationship with HW anymore and that you are working on eventual NC, prove it. I will not discuss it again, I'm moving on. With or without you. When the date hits, if you've truly done that, great we'll work on the M. If not, ya gotta go. He said "I'll think about it." I grinned and said whatever. He never left, I spent the day being REAL busy. Didn't have much to say. I don't think he knows what to think, which is exactly what I was looking for. Long post I know, but I have months of frustration!! Obviously no more R talk for me! I also made it a point not to call him & he didn't call me this AM, first time in several months! Not going to take care of laying out his clothes etc. Had been already doing some things like self improvement and PMA just on instinct. Any ideas? Be gentle.
