Partying with my H's Divorce Lawyer

[theforlornhope]

W8ing, I am so sorry about this. I know that this is awful. I also understand your doubts about DBing. I keep seeing each step of the D pass by as we go through it, and it isn't slowing down. You're doing a great job of keeping it together. This is a pretty big drop on the rollercoaster, but the fat lady isn't singing yet. Stay strong.

Your H is a Sh17 for giving you that today. It could have waited until next week just fine.

About the settlement offer, I know your pain. How can someone who once loved us try to hurt us financially? It's like it's someone else. My STBXW tried to sneak 3/4 of our retirement nest egg by me.

This is how I had to do it. You have to separate your thinking about the divorce logistics from how you think about the rest of the divorce/DBing/family issues.

This was really hard for me. At the beginning I almost completely screwed myself because I was still thinking like her husband. In all other respects, I keep thinking that way, but not here.

Here, my sons come first, and that means my ability to provide the best life for them as I see it too.

I come second.

Her intitial offers and ideas opened my eyes to the fact that she is not considering me at all. Probably not even hatefully, more like after the D, he'll disappear. Unless you count the major promotion that she is getting at the end of the year.

I think this is what just happened to you. I'm sorry, I know how bad that hurts and shocks you. It is just like the bomb all over again.

I cannot count on her to be equitable financially, or reasonable about my sons lives.

They come first, I come second, what she wants isn't in the equation. That's how she wanted it, not me. If she ever wants to change that, she knows how.

I want the financial arrangements to be equitable, but beyond that, she doesn't enter in to it.

I'm still trying to DB, at home and in other ways, but when it comes to the logistics, it is plain business. It has to be. You must do this for your daughters.


If he asks if you've seen it, I would council telling him that you've looked at it, but aren't ready to discuss it yet. Tell him that you are getting some numbers / information together on your end.


Yes it's definately time to lawyer up. With a good and fair one.

Also, from this point on, I wouldn't discuss the decree with him without your attorney. It sounds like he's trying to screw you over, and listening to his justifications is pointless stress and anger. A fair attorney will help you decide what you and the girls need, and how to bargain to get there.