I have tried for months to be the kind and loving individual it suggests, but it doesn’t seem to pay off.
and immediately thought, "covert contract", a term described in the book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. A covert contract is basically about getting your needs met in indirect ways. Glover describes is as "I will do this ___ (fill in the blank) for you, so that you will do this ____ (fill in the blank) for me. We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract." He goes on: "Most of us have had the experience of leaning over and whispering in our lover's ear, "I love you." We then wait expectantly for our beloved to respond with, "I love you, too." This is and example of a covert contract in which a person gives to get. Saying "I love you" to hear "I love you, too" in return is the basic way Nice Guys go about trying to get all of their needs met. . . . It is indirect, unclear, and manipulative."
So, did you start being a "kind and loving individual" for the past few months in hopes to make your wife give you sex more often? Nothing necessarily wrong with that, ASSUMING, of course, that you said, "honey, I'm going to be a kind and loving individual over the next few months to see if it will result in more frequent sex."
I'm guessing you didn't do the second part of that exercise.
You might want to get the Nice Guy book. It is changing my life, and much of your story is very familiar to me, which makes me think that the book will likely be helpful to you, too.
Just to let you know, there are no quick fixes here. There are also no guarantees.
