Well, we had already talked about inviting friends. So no big deal, there. xh knows that I really do like to cook for people on Turkey Day. Was just trying to get a head count yesterday...and didn't expect that answer!! lol

Yes, impulse control is a huge issue for him...he knows it...it's one of the things he's trying to correct. He also has this problem with trying to please everyone.

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He comes across as insensitive, but at the same time it's very strange that he just doesn't know any better....


So, you'll enjoy this story, then. ;\) So, apparently, neither one of us really knew anything about how R's or M's were supposed to work. We're both learning. ;\) Back when xh first starting hanging out with xow, he was telling me how she was such a great friend, and how she was helping him explore his issues, etc., etc. I thought great, wow, good for him. (A little naive?) I remember when he told me how xow said ILY to him, and how he was so excited, because it was totally platonic. I thought that was cool, too. (Yes, I was that dumb.)

Anyway, one night, xow comes over to our apartment to hang out with xh and I. (I thought she must be really cool, since xh liked her so much. Duh...) I wound up with some mild food poisoning, and went to bed early, before they got there. xh told me later how they were cuddled up on the couch, watching movies and stuff, while I was asleep in the bedroom. Here's the kicker...at the time, I really couldn't have cared less. If I had gone to the kitchen for something, I wouldn't have even blinked. He told me that she had been nervous about my reaction, and we laughed about how silly that seemed at the time.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time.

(Of course, a few weeks later, xh "decided" he didn't want to be married...but that's a whole other story.)

I guess my point is...if xh seems clueless, I was equally clueless at one point. Following the affair, I decided to do a lot of research on how and why affairs occur. I had a lot of really wrong ideas about how it all worked. I've learned a lot.

And, weirdly, he is a very sensitive guy. Picks up pretty quickly on when I'm in an 'off' mood, usually asks, is very supportive, listens well etc.

Not trying to justify his views or his actions. Just trying to explain it. That's why intellectualized discussion of these kinds of things seems to work better with him than just "Quit being a moron!" Because, his perspective is so skewed, he probably doesn't 100% believe he is being a jerk. I think some part of him suspects, and it's a matter of encouraging that thinking.

Azhira

my confusion