I am 37 and she is 36. We have been married for almost 15 years. We have 4 children from 11 to 2. My wife and I argue constantly about sex and how frequent it should happen. She is happy with about every 6 weeks. I would like it every other day, but would be thrilled with it twice a week. She feels that I am just a typical guy who thinks with his penis. After years of being turned down for sex, I have not initiated it for years. We have sex only when she offers. She will offer it about twice a month and even then it is not something she likes to do, just wants to get it out of the way so I will quit pouting. So most of the time it is a “quickie or nothing.” However, there are some times when it is great and we both are happy. But when those happen I am already sad to see it over and not looking forward to the span between the next occurrence. This started the day after we were married. She told me that I wanted it too much and more then she could provide.
She is turned off by oral sex, and has never performed it on me. She will rarely allow me to perform it on her. Even when I ask, she will ignore it as though I didn’t say anything. I believe that she doesn’t feel it is appropriate for religious reasons. She also told me that she is only interested in 2 positions, and doesn’t want to try any others. When I say what about my wants, I am told that my desires are not respectful of what makes her uncomfortable, and if I make her feel uncomfortable she loses all desire for sex. For religious reasons I do not masturbate, but feel there are so many restrictions on sex in my marriage and that I have very little to no choice in the matter.
We went to a marriage counselor provided by our church, and it didn’t do any good at all for me, in fact it made things worse it think. He told my wife she is normal and that she isn’t going to change, so I need to learn to be happy with what I can get. He recommended Divorce Busting which didn’t seem to help, so I found SSM and read it on my own. I have tried for months to be the kind and loving individual it suggests, but it doesn’t seem to pay off. It is not just about the sex, I need to feel desired and loved sexually. I have told her this, but she doesn't believe me.
I know I am not alone, but it doesn’t make me feel any better, so I would like to hear some advice.
