The last couple of days, xh has been driving me almost as crazy as MIL. Wow. I didn't realize how much pressure I used to feel around him before, until it was gone. I am more certain than ever that I appeared to withdraw because of it. The really big positives from all of this... For one, I know I wasn't nuts, and xh really used to just push, and push, and push. He'd be defensive when I'd try to talk to him, and critical of so much of what I did. And the crazy...ohmygod...the jitters, can't make any sort of flirtatious remark, the panic...I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Ugh. Two...he really has changed those behaviors. And I really like the guy xh is becoming. Wow.
I did catch myself thinking yesterday that he was reverting...and man, did I just feel like running. Then, it dawned on me, that I was doing what one of the things xh used to do to me: assuming the temporary change, from a temporary extreme stress, was exemplifying how our interactions would always be in the future. Besides the pregnancy trigger for xh, I know I had really withdrawn because of insane job stress. Anyway, this morning, xh called me and apologized, said he knew he had been difficult, and just asked me to let him cool off for a day or so. That, I can understand.
Another thing I'm pretty sure of... I actually find our current "friendship" more emotionally satisfying than I did the last year or so of our M. It's more relaxed, it's very comfortable, and we can actually talk about any points of friction. I didn't realize how incredibly trapped I felt at times, until he resolved this issue within himself.
And onto more things alien...lol...
xh has invited JD to Thanksgiving with us. (At his house.) MIL and bf will not be here, like we thought originally. I also invited my very good friend D there.
I was startled when I found this out, but as MIL and bf were there when he mentioned it, I didn't probe him at the time. He noticed I was acting distant/upset at the grocery store (DUH), and asked me why. Old habit: I would have just denied it. New habit: I gently explained that, uh, that's a little odd, and I was feeling really weird about it.
xh said he thought I might. He asked if I was mad; I said no. (Being honest.) He asked if he should withdraw the invite. I thought about it for a minute, said no. Asked him if he would feel weird if the situation were reversed, and he said that he would. (Okay. Progress. At least he knows there's something 'off' here. Long story, but in a similar situation years ago...he didn't think it was weird at all.) xh said something about--I don't recall how it was phrased--testing it, or trying to see how it would feel.
After thinking about it for a day...
Well, I don't actually think she'll be there. (Controlling husband.) If she does, well, I think this provides several opportunities for me. One...I will make sure I look more than nice. Two...xh will actually feel uncomfortable. That will be an opening for me to discuss with him later why he's uncomfortable, to learn to listen to that feeling, and what it's trying to tell him. (Since, you know, this situation is so normal. Okay, sarcasm aside, he's a classic case of suppressing his emotions.) Three...being latina, my guess is, she'll pick up on that xh and I are still more than friendly, and will be much more jealous in the long run than me.
Of course, she was supposed to go to DS's bday party, and wasn't there. I doubt she'll be there Thursday, either.
xh was a little touchier yesterday, too. That's another good baby step. We're both very PT people. Not like making-out-PDA or anything...just always sort of lightly touching to reconnect a lot during the day. On the arm, on the hand, on the back--very quick, light touches. He's been doing that a bit lately. xh also (semi-seriously) said we "might" have another kid in a few years in front of MIL.
Oh. And I think he thinks I have a bf. lol He called me while I was having lunch with a friend last week...seemed very surprised. Then, when he called me earlier, he complained my vm was full. I told him I just hadn't cleared out all the messages yet. So, xh said, "Do you have a new bf who is leaving you a ton of messages?" I said, "If that were the case, wouldn't I have listened to them by now?" He said maybe, but that that's just how these things go. I decided not to tell him that it's just one of my CC's calling me five times a day. lol (They're evil. I mailed the payment, it just hasn't posted yet. Too lazy to delete all the messages.)
One...I will make sure I look more than nice. 
Two...xh will actually feel uncomfortable. That will be an opening for me to discuss with him later why he's uncomfortable, to learn to listen to that feeling, and what it's trying to tell him. (Since, you know, this situation is so normal. Okay, sarcasm aside, he's a classic case of suppressing his emotions.) Three...being latina, my guess is, she'll pick up on that xh and I are still more than friendly, and will be much more jealous in the long run than me. 
