You know....for so long I fought. Lately I've been angry at myself for fighting for so long and hard for something that wasn't worth the effort.....Maybe I shouldn't post this here. God knows I don't want to discourage anyone. I do think that if I hadn't fought and done all I felt I could, that I would have regret now and I have none.
I question myself. Did I really love him? I am in a place now where I am happy now, the majority of the time. I have no desire to see him. I don't miss him. I certainly don't trust him. Maybe THAT is why I have these other feelings (or lack of) is because he's completely broken my trust. I guess now I really do know how he felt.
I remember him saying a part of him died or a part of his love for me. He couldn't really explain it but now I see it. I don't love him. I don't miss him. I am sad for my daughter. Sad because I really wanted to do things the right way. I wanted her to come from an in tact family.
I didn't realize I'd already posted about this feeling. I pray I'm not a bad person. My friends tell me I'm not. That I'm just over it. That I've worked through it.
He's still dragging his feet on getting everything out. I don't understand that either. I just want to be completely apart. I've heard and thought that he's putting it off because that is the final tie (besides Peanut) that he has to me. I don't know...
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
