Wow, thank you SOO much for all the insight. I have read quickly so far, but I will go back and read more carefully and really absorb all of your comments. Baltoman, you esp. have really shared some valuable input that I think I need to hear. Stick around, please!! ;-D
I just have a minute, but wanted to share a sitch from the last 5 days when husband was out of town. Two nights before he left town, I made a point to initiate because he had really been complaining about me working on house projects in the evening instead of being with him. (While at the same time, complaining that they are making the house a mess and not done, but I digress...) So, we had fairly quick, but fun sex, then he had to sleep for work the next day. (He really crashes in the evenings and acts like he can barely stay awake to help get the kids in bed, then miraculously gets energy to stay up and watch Star Trek in our room. Again, I digress...)
So, the next night, I do the same thing, snuggle up next to him and ask him where he is going on this trip (he leaves the next morning). He says Austin. Umhmm, instant tension. This is where the chick he met at a conference last year and carried on a short email relationship lives. I stiffened somewhat but did not say anything for several minutes. I think he said I love you. Then, I very matter of factly asked, "Has Pam ever emailed you again?" He said, "Uhhhhh, no, I told her at that time it would be better if she didn't contact me anymore." (not quite the overwhelmingly reassuring response I would have liked.) Then I said, "Have you contacted her since then?" He said no. I laid my head back down and we sat there for a few minutes. He said he loved me one more time. I said it back and then got up and went in the other room. He was nice the next day, despite my "rejection" of him, which is rare, but I guess that was his way of saying he was sorry. (Which are words I very rarely hear.)
So, he leaves for his trip. He just got a phone, so when he is sitting at a conference, he can text me throughout the day and on his drive. We had several positive, chatty interactions and sent a few silly pics back and forth, (him driving, the kids and I playing).
Then a few nights into his trip, I was so pooped, and getting really irritable with the kids, I sent a message that just said, "I'm tired and cranky." (I would love more support from him since I'm a stay at home mom, but he seems pretty inept at filling the listening, calming, "you're doing great" role, like a girlfriend would.) He surprised me however and said, "Put the kids to bed early and get some sleep, I love you." I, (in my crankiness), said "You know bedtime is not that simple esp alone." (I know this seems harsh, and like I'm the one being negative, but he says so little about him being away and me doing everything with the kids that I think I really crave just hearing him tell me that he is sorry for my extra workload and that he can't be here to help me. Or that I'm a good mom, which I don't feel like he sincerely shows me very often. He says I want too many compliments.) He almost shocked me when he said, "Sorry, I wasn't trying to dismiss you. Just trying to help. Love you!" (Wow, now THAT'S what I'm talking about! That made me feel much better. I didn't keep what I sent him back, but have told him I appreciated what he said then.) I asked him when he would be home (he later said he felt it was b/c I wanted to throw the kids at him) and he said he'd be home by 9 and would help with bedtime (he didn't really, he was too tired.)
Ok, I pretty much shared all that to show the positive side of him, b/c he does have one. I know I am not perfect either. Since you all don't get to hear his side, I really want you to hear the good and the bad.
So, anyway, next he sent me a msg that said something like "why don't you send me a naked pic?" Now...I'm not against the idea, BUT...at the same time, when I'm home with two kids, picking up messes, breaking up fights, wearing my painting clothes and hardly get a chance (literally) to pee or shower by myself, I don't feel sexy at ALL. I'm not even thinking about it, really. And, to make matters worse, we had received news that an acquaintance had lost her daugher, 7 years old. We don't know the circumstances, but I had just hung out with her at a wedding reception a few months ago and she was so fun, I just was somewhat haunted by the news. I was actually searching Amazon.com for books on dealing with grieving the death of a child (a sensitive topic for me, since I unexpectedly lost my mom at 23 and our first child at 5 months gestation). That's when I received his message. So, not wanting to ignore his requests, I decided to do something that night.
I sent him a message saying the phone had to be charged and I'd talk more later.
That night, I (kinda forced myself, but in good spirit,) put on a black push up bra and pair of panties and sent two pics. I don't mention to him that the primary thing I am thinking of as I take the pics is that he is in Austin and I should be "thankful" he's not seeking out Pam and also that I've gained weight recently in my stomach, which he did not deny when I pointed it out. I know, typical "husband can't win" kind of situation, but a "ah, honey, no way, you look fabulous for a woman with 2 kids!!!"
He saw them the next morning and said he was asleep when I sent them. He said, "Me likey this one." It seems like he either verges on silly/immature or raunchy but doesn't have the passionate/romantic side down, which I think would be more likely to make me "hot and passionate."
Day before he comes home, I can't remember the specs, but I know I pointed out to him that I was majorly bleeding, which now that he's had a vasectomy and I don't need any bc, is pretty typical for me. It sucks and I pointed it out. (kind of wanted him to pick up on the fact that he wasn't getting any shots from there partly for this reason). He asked if I wanted to go see a dr and I said no, I think it's just normal for me to be very irregular and very heavy.
So, the next day he is on the highway driving home and we are chatting. I can't remember the deal, but I was tired and a bit distracted, kind of not wanting to talk (he said later I can't wait for him to come home when I need help with the kids, but when he is on his way, I am indifferent about seeing him.) He says, "So how come you never sent me any naked pics?" I am shocked and feel like, "oh my god, here we go again." I said, "I thought I did." Things escalate QUICKLY. I explain all the reasons with why I didn't (just took a shower for the first time since he was gone, WITH our son in there with me), and why can't he just be happy with what I did?! He spit out ok, now you're just complaining and this is fing stupid, I'm getting off the phone!!! which I assumed was him hanging up and I did the same, CLICK! So he sent me this text message, which I somehow missed until after we talked the next day: "I don't understand why you got so bent out of shape. I wasn't complaining, just asking a playful question. Thought you'd play along and send me something to think about on my drive home. Why can't you play along? It's not like I'm asking you to do something that you find morally wrong...you made a video before. I don't get it. Id be flattered if you asked me."
I didn't mean to go on forever. Sorry. Thanks so much for reading and sharing any advice for me!!!!!
