My personality type is one that would not have the endurance to stay with a man knowing he was having an affair or planing to go have sex with a woman while he was still sleeping with me! I know of some women on here that still sleep with their H's knowing he is sleeping with other women. I can't do that. But, then that is just me. It is my personal belief that a man doesn't repsect a woman if she does that. It places her in the light of being a door mat, clingly, needy, and all those things that he doesn't like. I think a woman should show some spunk, attitude and backbone. He should either decide to be the husband he should be or get the heck out of dodge and go be with the other woman.....but he should not be allowed to have both at the same time! Nor, should he be allowed to sleep with his wife and all the time be discussing the possiblility of going to have sex with another woman That, in my book, is unacceptable. He is making a fool out of the wife with that type of behavior and she should not stand by and allow him to do that. I know when you love somebody it is hard to turn them lose, but don't allow them to wipe their feet all over you either. Keep your self repsect, and by God, make him respect you also! Where does he think he gets off being free to run around and have sex with other women while the sweet little wife stays at home keeping kids, cooking, cleaning, and doing his laundry? Just how long do you think he will continue to see this other woman while you sit at home waiting for him to choose between the two of you? I can tell you that he will continue to do it as long as he can get away with it. He would be crazy not to.
So, what would I do with a fence sitter? I would tell him he had about 24 hours to make up his mind who he wanted b/c he was about to lose his bed. Now, this is not exactly what Michelle teaches. She believes in making him the best home possible and being the best wife you can be so he will want to come back to you, but I am more old fashion and I have a problem with that part of what she teaches. In one case, I did tell a girl that if she wanted to fight fire with fire and that was what she wanted to do.....then go for it. I am just saying that I don't think I could play that game. I probably would make his choice very easy on him. I will add this though, that there are some cases that are a little different....so you have to consider that. Even Michelle says that it is a personal choice about how you deal with it.
Yes, I was the one that strayed from my M. I never left the home or my H. I did have an EA over the internet with a man I never met in real life. My H has not made love to me in close to 12 years now. He has not slept in the same bed with me in over 20 years. He doesn't have those conversations that we women crave. We don't do anything for fun. In short, we just don't have much of a relationship or a life together at all. I was starved for male attention and could give other reasons, but it still does not excuse me for what I did wrong. The point is, if I did not have some respect for my H, I would not stay with him. I was afraid that he would lose his respect for me when he discovered about the OM. Somehow though, he could forgive me and we are still together.
It just upsets me when I see younger women sit back and take this crap from their H's. My H was not going to take it from me, that was for sure. And, I would not take it from him, either. How can there be respect in a relationship if you know you can screw around with another person and your mate just patiently waits for you to get through and return home?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
