Don't exactly know why, other than feeling emotionally empty toward my W, but I responded very negatively to her getting angry about me bringing down some christmas decorations. Long story but pretty much broke every rule, except for the fact that I am not beating myself up about it at all and knowing although negative and expressing "my wants and desires multiple times, I responded in a different way than before.
Sounds like the stress of what's happening is wearing on you. You sound angry, too, and maybe that's the new thing you're showing W. What do you think? How's that detachment coming?
Originally Posted By: CVA
One key pt was I told her if we are going to be friends (which she has never heard from me before) that I "need" more help around the house and communication. Yes I know,not good, oh well.
CVA, do YOU want to be her friend? Have you spent any time thinking about that?
Originally Posted By: CVA
So no doppleganger tonight, I have this suspicion that although there is an attraction she may be cautious about going out with recently been wounded CVA., well see she should call me tomorrow.
Hope that didn't get you down. There's plenty of time, yet. You're still in the thick of it, from what you're writing here (emotionally, I mean), so maybe that's for the best just now.
LOL Puddle on anger being new for me to show W Its funny only because that is the major complaint so failed pretty miserably on all this........however......I am not beating myself up about it, a true first.
I do want to be friends, a new one as well.
I must confess, although I have all these beautiful, caring women here telling me how great I am, I needed eye contact and a woman showing me that I mattered and was desirable in person to validate the fact that I am not a basically a loser in all this. PMA or whatever you want to call it, that has been a vaild fear / concern of mine, after over a year of true lack of affection (W and I went on a cruise 1 year ago which is really the last time I thought I saw any affection from her).
OK, getting that out there is tough for even Mr. Open CVA to say. Point is, it does help detach, if she comes my way now then great, if she doesnt, the disappointment will definitely be there but I am in a different place today.....today....stay tuned as we all know, feelings/emotions change, when will our WAS figure that one out, years from now I suspect.
C
Last edited by CVA; 11/19/0703:41 PM.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
OK, getting that out there is tough for even Mr. Open CVA to say. Point is, it does help detach...
Darn right it does. I'm in the same boat CVA. No affection and all the normal stuff that went into the mix that put my M where it currently resides is tough. My wife came out of it with her PMA (in terms of confidence with opposite sex) at a all time high, mine was/is at an all time low. Within the first week of my separation I was amazed at the attention I received, and it has gone an AWFUL long ways towards helping me detach. It soothes the fear of thinking that you will never be able to find someone special (or at least HOT!!!!!!) again. Mine was also a fear of my age and that the pickings would be quite slim in my "division". Getting those fears knocked out in short order helped, but longing for the "physical attention" is still a chore.
Anyway, hang on to that but play it VERY, VERY smart! My W doesn't have a L that is a simple phone call away, so I've got a buffer that you don't. Your's might have a knee-jerk reaction that could cause you grief. Just rest assured in the knowledge that you landed a "looker" before and you'll be able to do it again if required. This time, maybe you/we will be able to land a "looker" with something better inside.
I love you man! Ari from Entourage would say that and "hug it out". Lol.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Glad to hear W is willing to start "talking" things out. Hope this opens the doors to communication (sorry can't type or spell to well these days).
My hasbend and I have limited communication to custody & finaances only. Have adamently refused a legal separation as that will work in his favor. Told him if thats what he wants lets just sell it all, split it 50/50 and let the chips fall where the may. He didn't like that answer as that is exactly what would happen in our case where I have worked and contributed to our household on par with him. Also with his new "executive" position and bonuses and big raises even though custody would be 50/50 he is probably looking at court ordered CS now.
Hope your W is more compliant. At least "hasbend"sort of figured out that he will not be walking away with everything as previously planned. I have officially retained an atty but haven't taken any action...waiting for the end of year and his big fat W-2...
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
She says she is really in no hurry, we did not talk this weekend as planned as it got really busy so I mentioned to her if she HAS to talk it out, I would make sure we do it whenever it works for her.
She actually may not want to just let it simmer though as last night as I was leaving quite abrubptly mind you (did not wait for her to come down after putting D11 to bed, just said goodnight and left), she said, "are you working tomorrow?" uhmm, yes! Duh! (no I didnt say that). All I can think of is that new Christmas commercial by Kia I think, Duh, Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh (xmas tune)! Sorrry, I digress.
Going to look at another house tonight. I can hit it with a good 3 wood from my house but it is really expensive. Not quite as inexpensive as the other one I looked at with the really nice looking (and very nice) woman who I met for drinks. Duh!
Duh is my new saying now. C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Its funny only because that is the major complaint so failed pretty miserably on all this........however......I am not beating myself up about it, a true first. 
