I'm sorry everyone for lying to you all, I truly am. Miss IC is struggling to find "strength" in her to help me..truth is, she's the strong one. Without her and the girls, this would probably kill me...and I would let it.
Dear IC. You didn’t lie to anyone. It was obvious from the start that you were laughing in the face of fate, pain, fear, and uncertainty. Give people credit …. we pick up on such things. Especially if we’re all too familiar with the feeling.
You, too, value your life, just for itself. To say that without your wife and daughters you’d lay down and die is a defense mechanism, aka “if I pretend I don’t want to win the battle I won’t feel like a failure if I lose.” But I’m quite aware that the pain you’re talking about is very real. You lost your father too soon. It sounds like the rest of your family has been (and is) less than supportive. It must have been devastating. And you learned to hide all of that and laugh and pretend everything is peachy. That was bound to catch up with you at some point. And it did.
IC, the Buddhists say life is suffering, and they have a point. If your wife and your girls are what is keeping you going, be thankful for them. And try to avoid the trap of being the “strong one”. A lot of people who have an illness like yours sort of think something along the lines of “I’ve already let down my family by becoming sick so the least I can do is to be perpetually cheery so they won’t have to put up with my illness AND my emotions”. Which sounds pretty on paper but has the distinct disadvantage of being complete hogwash. As I’ve said, people pick up on these things. The best thing you and your wife can be with each other is real. Try to tell each other how you really feel. Not how you think you should, kwim? Try it – it just may become addictive.
And cut yourself plenty of slack. You’re great people, both of you. And both very strong in your own way.
