Maybe your husband is raising the bar all the time or maybe he feels that you are trying to jump over the bar while leaving your emotions on the ground. I of course, am not in a position to have an opinion on that but I thought a perspective from the other side might be helpful.
From my hindsight is 20/20 perspective, I would say that many people who find themselves in the role of being the HD member of a relationship make the mistake of thinking that adding "excitement" or "heat" to a sexual relationship is what will increase the emotional connection or warm up a tepid or cold relationship. I think what works better is to differentiate in order to achieve "temperature" equilibrium and then try to warm/heat up together. That way you will be better able to deal with the non-sexual issues/roadblocks that are in your way first or determine that they are "unfixable" and move along. The reason I say this is that I have found that I dramatically underestimated the extent to which I was missing "warmth" in my relationship because I kept concentrating on adding "heat". However, I should note that I still believe that a life without hot monkey sex is a life not worth living.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
