The getaway was very nice. Great weather (hey 17 celcius..mid 60's?) is pretty nice for this time of year in that windy city.
We did lots of walking, swimming, jacuzzied. Caught a blues band up the way from our hotel. Ate tons. How does lobster tail sound for breakfast?
I haven't yet journalled about some of the not-so-pleasant feelings that came up on the trip (you'll be able to relate to these, Sage) but I'll add it in when I can.
Today was the Q&A for my intro students, tomorrow it's 8 hours worth of exams! Yipeee! (not). Then I'll have to buckle down and finalize my preps for the spring course that starts in just over a week. Sigh.
So today I'll just check in and see what happened whilst I was away.....
Prayers, advice ANYTHING! much needed. We came home to a phone message from CJ's neice...27 years old, not close. We were close to her and her siblings for a couple of years when we got married, but then contact died out. (His brother and their mom are long divorced).
Well today she called to accuse CJ of "molesting" her and her little sister when they were kids. It just didn't happen. Even her timelines are questionable (when she's the age she said she was, CJ had moved out, parents didn't own the house she said it happened in).
She's very disturbed ($400 in psych meds a month, counselling, lost custody of her three kids) and broke and looking for a payout. She was quite unhappy to learn that CJ had lost his job. But was sure we'd manage "somehow".
I had to insist she wait until Friday (when we see our counsellor), she wanted to press charges right away!
Can people do this? (Remember I'm in Canada). Just make an accusation like that and have someone hauled away and charged???
She says she just wants an apology, but how can he apologize for an atrocity he didn't commit???? And I get the sense that an apology would just be used as "proof" that he did it.
Ugh!!! People could the timing be any worse? (Wait...a few months ago...).
So pray for us. It's unlikely she'd have the money to actually sue CJ, but what a horrid thing to accuse someone of?
Oh yeah, she was raped at 15, but she's not going after that guy because "he has no money and there wasn't enough proof". Her proof here? Her word and her sister's word (separate incidents according to them) against CJ's.
Oh SB, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this now. Has niece by any chance been seeing a counselor who deals in "repressed memories"? Is this something she has just now remembered in therapy, or is there any evidence that she ever told anybody earlier? If this is something she is just now remembering with the help of therapy, you need to search the web for the "False Memory Syndrome Foundation" - a very active American group of people who have been victimized by their loved ones receiving this junk therapy.
What is niece's psych diagnosis? Bipolar or substance abuse? And is there any way you can speak with her therapist - let them know that there is no corroborating this account and you suspect financial motives?
And finally - ouch, but here goes - you are absolutely sure there's no way this could have happened? We've all been surprised by what our Ses were capable of - no red flags that you are ignoring? (Sorry, CJ, but I have to ask).
Document EVERYTHING, every conversation, every detail - and I'd consult an attorney pronto.
She's made some threatening comments, several hang-ups, I'm thinking Borderline Personality. Just had a stint in a psychatric ward for a suicide attempt.
It's entirely possible she does believe this happened. I'm well versed in false memory syndrome. She says it's a memory she alwayds had but never revealed.
No, I don't believe H did this. He was a virgin until, 18, has babysat COUNTLESS cousins, nieces and nephews (including mine) with narry a hint of impropriety. Believe me, though, I did ask.
Well, stay tuned folks, CJ just came back from a walk. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Shiney I am so sorry that you are having to go through this now with all your other worries in life. Just remember to use your DBing skills with your H, he is going to need you now more than ever maybe. So keep your chin up. Im so happy that you had a good time on your vacation.
As Sandcrab said, "Keep your chin up." That way you can see where you are going.
Mercy! Have you ever felt the need to throw your arms in the air and scream to the heavens, "WTF are you trying to do to me, huh?!" If God doesn't give us more than we can handle, then why are there so many suicides? Ok, sorry. Didn't mean to begin a rant about theology, but darn it, I hate to see something like this happen! Why do the hits just keep coming?
Shiny, my anxiety ridden counterpart, call your doc and increase the meds to help get over this hump. You have a lot of school stuff going on and you cannot afford to muck it up because you are preoccupied with legal issues, uemployment, money, and saving a marriage. Let the job be your anchor. From that point you will be able to draw the strength you need to get through this and help CJ get through this.
What sucks about these kind of accusations is that even though the burden of proof is on the accuser's shoulders, the accused is stamped as the one who cannot be trusted. This is a lose/lose situation and my heart aches for you. For a second you had your doubts, right? Elie did too. So did I, but I believe you when you say you are certain of his innocence. CJ, hang in there, man. The truth will come out and you will be exonerated. Then, sue her and her docs for your lawyer fees!
Do remember to take care of yourselves, please? I'm sending some xanax inspired, good karma your way.
I pray this blows over and the niece is exposed as a gold-digger. I pray, pray, this doesn't hurt your efforts within the marriage. I pray, pray, PRAY that God keeps you healthy and strong through this.
SHINY! Aaaaahhhhh! What a pain...Borderline PD sounds like it's a possibility, PTSD, too, and all the anger and fear that goes along with it. CJ is lucky to have you, knowledgable in the area of insanity (if you're like me, from both the inside and the out!!!!), who can help him understand this is much more about the neice than about him. Good that he has taken care of so many other children and never had troubles.
An attourney well-versed in this kind of mess will be the best money you could probably ever spend, even though it's terrible to have to spend it.
Remember people with these kinds of issues cause SO MUCH TROUBLE. But if you stay rational and stick to the facts and express concern for how much pain she is in, you will come out looking good. Borderline PD tends to show itself up sooner rather than later, without anyone else having to say or do anything! It's a sick way of being in contact with the world, and it will not be limited to this one circumstance.
And, as I'm sure you know, once judges get a whiff of the lying/manipulating/self-serving side of this disorder, they usually throw the whole thing out and threaten the accuser never to be seen in their courts again!
I'm SURE this will all work out. SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY that it's happening now. But, you wise woman you, YOU WILL SURVIVE!
Peace to you & CJ, and also to his neice. God bless...
and, of course, ((((((((((((CJ & SB)))))))))))))) SAM
I'm so glad that you are back and that you had a good time. I am unbelievably sorry about what's going on for you and H!!! I'm sending you both positive thoughts and strength. Keep us posted.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Shiny- Hang in there girl! Let the attny take care of alot of this! I have to agree your H is innocent on this one too. Glad you had a good trip! Very exciting I love lobster.mmmmmmm~ anyway take care of yourself, think I will up the meds as well just thinking about us! all of us,.... but we WILL make it wont we? Talk to you soon and praying for you. Shay
What a pain...Borderline PD sounds like it's a possibility, PTSD, too, and all the anger and fear that goes along with it. CJ is lucky to have you, knowledgable in the area of insanity (if you're like me, from both the inside and the out!!!!), who can help him understand this is much more about the neice than about him. Good that he has taken care of so many other children and never had troubles.
just thinking about us! all of us,.... but we WILL make it wont we? Talk to you soon and praying for you.