Where was your son when I needed a patent lawyer??!! I had XH's business evaluated by a forensic but that fact that he also had a patent in addtion to his construction business made it tricky. I was pondering if he does sell this patent if I had any dibs on it. I know we have been divorced a year but it was created with marital monies during the marraige. Frankly, if I find out he sells this patent for megabucks it will bum me out a bit since I didn't have the money to pursue the legal aspect of evaluating a patent while we were divorcing. I would be interested in talking to an attorney about this if his sale metriculates.
Anyway..
It is amazing to see how much the MLCer has suffered; work, family, health, etc. I mean, XH suffered with EVERYTHING. And yes, I do support his journey on fighting for the rights to his patent..He does not deserve to go through this legal b.s.
Well, off to do some schoolwork and I have this terrible headcold.
Could it be from the two Cosmos I had at dinner last night??
Where was your son when I needed a patent lawyer??!!
Still training - I am old but not that old!!! Some of the real property aspects of patent law are different in the US, I believe. One issue is that in the US patent lawyers are lawyers who specialise in patent and intellecutal property, while in Europe and the UK they are patent specialists with legal training. If you see what I mean
I was lurking on a few threads and read about WAS sharing beds with OW in front of kids, WAS telling LBS that they are no longer attracted to them..and boy oh boy, did this all bring back memories..
My heart goes out to each and every one of you as the OP start to unfold in this MLC crisis and the kids are involved..and the shot to our self-esteem with WAS starts to admit not being attracted to WAS anymore..
So, I thought I would address this stuff..
Well, XH, then H, left Aug 2004 and moved in with GF two weeks later. They shared a bed in front of the the kids a few months after that. At one point, my S admitted to sharing a hotel roomm with his dad and his gf. I freaked, too. The lack of morality, the selfishness of not having to shove their R in the kids faces, the whole nine yards..That was almost three years ago..Does it still hurt, I have to say, a little but mostly, I would have to say no. Kids ended up making their own opinions of GF and it blew up in XH's face and this is why..
- when the OP is shoved in the kids faces they will resent it, and mine did
- the kids have no respect for OW..she is slut and my S told me that in his own words..sad to say, but true
- my D felt so rivaled..she cried her eyes out one day and said she felt like she wasn't Daddy's number one girl anymore..so that blew up in h's face, too
- Ow had a kid..and that was forced on my kids too..instant family..NOT..had they waited my kids would probably had taking a liking moreso to OW's TWO YEAR OLD SON..nice, huh..she left her two year old
- what my kids have definitely not recovered from yet and will probably last a lifetime of horrible memories..
THEY SAW THE RAT IN THE MORNING WITHOUT MAKE-UP!!
So, as you can see, my kids did not respond well to being thrown into XH and OW's R so sooon. Period.. My S cannot stand the sight of her but makes the best of it..which I am glad as I hate seeing him hate anyone..and I mean that..
And my D..she tolerates her as my D was only 7 when her dad left..
My XH did all the wrong things..
Oh, and btw, Xh has lived alone for almost two years as his infatuation with OW blew up in his face..they still date but are more like friends now..they lost all their other ones..
The other issue I wanted to address was the hurtful words that one can hear about when an WAS says he is no longer attracted..ouch..that is a horrible phrase to hear..
My Xh was all over the place with reasons why he left..one minute it was not a physical thing anymore and our sexlife sucked..(for him, I would have to say no..it didn't..for me...I will not go there right now..let's just say he was no Olympian in the sack..lol)
Then, he said our R was only chemical. That we had nothing but a very strong physical bond but no other levels of intimacy..It depended which was the wind blew (no pun intended) to which excuse he would have to why he left and how well we connected intimately...that was in 2004
Fast forward two and three years later..
The guy practically has his tongue wagging out of his mouth when he comes here to pick the kids up..commenting on what I am wearing..flirting..telling me how "hot" I am..it is kind of funny and pathetic at the same time..
Ironically, over the past few years I have seen the Rat try to morph into me...hair, types of clothes, etc..Kind of single white female-ish and it creeps me out..but she still looks like a dork
So, the moral of the story is..MLCers are nuts! They do and say things they do not mean nor will they remember..
Now when XH goes to C with me I swear he does not remember half of what he did and less of what he said to me. One of these days I am going to play him a tape recording of a conversation we had in Jan 2005..He was all over the place with what he was saying..
As for me, I would love to burn the tape simply because I had no backbone. I tried so hard to woo him back when he was being such an a## to me..Man, I should have a lecture series on all this and play the tape..Yeah, play the tape so woman are shown how NOT TO ACT!!
My heart goes out to each and everyone of you for hearing this garbage from the Aliens, having to deal with the rawness of it all and worst of all, seeing the impact on the kids
First and foremost, utilize your anger and do some research on how to deal with divorce and kids. I just spent hours and hours on websites when I was pissed and tried to turn my energy into helping the kids..and I have to say, it really worked.
It worked so well that I am utilizing many of the strategies I have learned on my kids in school and in the office. Keeping up a child's self esteem and teaching them coping skills are key in this day and age..There are so many good resources on the web on how to deal with all this garbage the MLCers throw at us and how to diffuse its impact on the kids..check it out!
Okay, off to bed..Had a good weekend with New Guy as we had all three kids. Many family activities and we capped the day off today with dinner at his brother's house, who is just as great as New Guy.
Three years later..I mean it you guys, life does get better!! It was in this exact spot I sit (my bed) that I used to cry and cry for hours..talking to friends on the phone and just wondering "WHY ME?" Now, I sit in bed and use my laptop to plan new activities for my college freshman that I teach or print upo articles for my new tutoring business..(and sometimes New Guy is right next to me!!) on the nights I don't have the kids, of course..!!
Nighty Night, all..and remember, you are all in my thoughts and prayers..
And this is why I come to this site.... The people here are the best...
Thank you so much MTN for taking the time to post such great encouragement. Thank you for continuing to come back to this site and help those of us out who are just trying to hang on.
You remind me that my happiness is within me, not my H.
You remind me that success doesn't necessarily mean that I will reconcile with H, but depends on what I choose to do for me.
MTN - thanks for this post. As I posted on my thread, having grown up kids is good because they make up their own mind: and mine loathe the OW. These are not loathers by nature. My middle son normally finds it difficult to say anything harsh about anyone. Even Attila the Hun would have got a favourable mention for a different approach, or something. But recently he took the gloves of and went no holds barred for his father and what he had done.
the truly amazing thing is that [except for anyone used to MLCers] 1. My h turned it all into son's fault for not telling him earlier how he felt!!! [and precisely what difference would that have made??] 2. It then became my fault for not taking his leaving me 'well'. He still claims that I 'knew' the marriage was really over, but wouldn't admit it, and this made the boys think he had done a bad thing.
The fact that we were all in shock for months suggests otherwise to anything but the warped MC brain.
NOTHING is his responsibility. EVERYTHING is someone else's fault.
I remember him blaming me for the reason why the kids didn't like the Rat. He said if I didn't have a problem with it, neither would they..
DUH!
When the guy sleeps with a chick under your nose and you spend months prior to the bomb suspecting it and think you are losing your mine, the kids are going to pick up on the fact that I wan't too thrilled that the Rat worked for back then H. I knew she was sniffing around. In fact, I used to BEG and PLEAD for my then H to fire her. For months!!! How awful is that? He said to me once that he didn't have any idea the Rat was into him until I started suspecting it..nice, huh?
Well, the news this Thanksgiviing are just like the rest. The Rat and XH are fighting and XH is moping around. I think she is upset that we went to family T together. The kids expressed that they wanted XH here for present opening on x-mas morning and XH and I agreed to it. (he gets them at 10 a.m. anyway, so he will show up around 8 instead so he can videotape them, be there when they open Santa gifts. It's really nice that the kids don't have to feel torn xmas morning over which parent they are with..
The Rat is going to Club Med with her kid today as my D told me. XH is pouting that they (he and the kids) are not going..
Boo Hoo Hoo..
I am sure he will blame it on me that I never signed off on the passports (previoius post)
I diffused my D talking about how she felt bad for dad (give me a break!) and said it was good the Rat was spending time alone with her kid (it's about time!)
Usually, she and my XH fight around the holidays, anyway. She has his number by now and she is kind of smart (choke choke) to get out of dodge for the week.
As for me, I am going a block away to my mom and dad's for Turkey Day. M sis will be there with her H and two kids, my cousin with her H and two kids, my cousin from Texas and my kids will be there around 5. NEw Guy will (hopefully) stop by for dessert as his mom is having Thanksgiving the same time but she lives in town, too..which is great!
Off to go hang with the kids. I let them stay home today as they only had a half day anyway. We need to chill and simply be..Life has been so crazy. They will be coming to work with me to class and new guy will meet them there with his D. They will go to New Guys while I teach..
Well, we had a good Thanksgiving. I am exhausted, though and am looking foward to a little r and r tomorrow.
We went to my parents and my cousins', sister, their families were there. New Guy showed up later with his D for dessert. It was really cozy.
Kids were with XH today until 5. D told me that the Rat HATES Club Med and her kid is crying to come home.
WTF? Do you know anyone that would hate being in the Dominican Republic? Can u say "high maintenance"? She actually text XH that the food stinks, blah blah blah..
I had a very interesting talk with him yesterday. It was prompted by my kids' concern to his mood. I heard he was pouting that he hadn't gone with the Rat to Club Med..or so I thought.
Turns out he was more than happy to talk. I simply asked him if he was alright and the floodgates of MLC heaven opened up wide. He was talking to me about counseling, how his C told him he has a problem with "rescuing" women..(had to laugh at that one as he lumped me in that category..uh..don't think so.) Said he is sick of the drama...he said he was sorry for all the mean things he had done to me..then he corrected himself and said "really" mean things. I told him it was okay. I said we are friends now and can move on.
He went on and on about all the crap going on with his family. His brother cheating on his sis in law..His mom losing her job due to her temper tantrums..the works. I told him,"now you know why I was so quiet during all of your family get togethers"..He laughed..I told him I never fit in..He said I was better than them, anyway.
I said I heard you were getting girls' numbers..he laughed..said noone even glances at him when he walks by. I told him to stop feeling sorry for himself and get over it. I said you are an ambitious guy with a good head on your shoulders (well, maybe I stretched that one a bit too far..lol) and a good dad. I said stop sellling yourself short and SETTLING..He knew what I meant..aka-his R with the Rat.
He admitted he wanted to be with someone more of an equal, someone with a career, etc..I said funny, if you put me on match.com what would you think of my profile? Funny..huh? (I was referring to that is what he was saying he wanted..someone like me..I was overly independent back in the day and that seems to be what he is looking for..someone with a sense of self) Funny, he told me a long time ago the Rat put everything on hold for him..made him the center of his world..
hmm..now look what happened? He became her world..Her ONLY world..scary, huh?
So, I we had a nice talk but that was that..He was fine and I told him I was always on his side. I told him I wasn't going to list all the good thing about him as that wasn't appropriate (New Guy..ya know?) but I said maybe instead of trying to rescue women you can try to RESCUE YOURSELF?
long silence..
Then..he goes..hmm..maybe you are right..
So, my S tells me XH is all excited as he has been corresponding with somone on match.com..I couldn't resist so i went on the website..and there as big as day is his profile..
OMG! I could not BELIEVE he puts pics and EVERYTHING..The RAt is going to FREAK!
So, it gets better..
His ideal girl.
5'7- check Long hair - check blonde - check domestic - check independent but a team player - check educated - check non partier - check
Okay..all the things above were things he listed as his turn-ons..
ME!
As for the RAt short brown hair when they met (she dyed it blonde later..to look like me..lol) she is short she is the least domestic person you will ever meet and XH told me that..but he liked her sense of "adventure" (which turned out to be trying to decide which new restaurant to go to!) So needy..and he liked that in the begining..he said she needs me..she needs to be rescued..I can turn my back on her..(I was the opposite..I TOOK CARE OF HIM!)
So funny to read the "anti-Rat" profile..It is so funny..all the stuff he used to say he hated about me are now listed as the things he wants..
and the long hair thing..I had to laugh at that one since the Rat has had short hair forever..
Okay..enough of that..
I am glad he is getting out there and is confident to try to meet new people..
He did tell me yesterday that he no longer is drinking..
He never drank his whole life..not even on our wedding day..his dad was a terrible alcholic..So I asked him why he ever started to begin with (after we separated) He said the RAt kept telling him to "have a beer..take a sip..he would FEEL better"..nice form of enabling, huh?
Okay..rambling.. but I have so many emotions right now..
Sad Happy TIred Wired..
My XH is on match.com and he used me as a prototype for his "princess to spend happily ever after with"
