I was lurking on a few threads and read about WAS sharing beds with OW in front of kids, WAS telling LBS that they are no longer attracted to them..and boy oh boy, did this all bring back memories..
My heart goes out to each and every one of you as the OP start to unfold in this MLC crisis and the kids are involved..and the shot to our self-esteem with WAS starts to admit not being attracted to WAS anymore..
So, I thought I would address this stuff..
Well, XH, then H, left Aug 2004 and moved in with GF two weeks later. They shared a bed in front of the the kids a few months after that. At one point, my S admitted to sharing a hotel roomm with his dad and his gf. I freaked, too. The lack of morality, the selfishness of not having to shove their R in the kids faces, the whole nine yards..That was almost three years ago..Does it still hurt, I have to say, a little but mostly, I would have to say no. Kids ended up making their own opinions of GF and it blew up in XH's face and this is why..
- when the OP is shoved in the kids faces they will resent it, and mine did
- the kids have no respect for OW..she is slut and my S told me that in his own words..sad to say, but true
- my D felt so rivaled..she cried her eyes out one day and said she felt like she wasn't Daddy's number one girl anymore..so that blew up in h's face, too
- Ow had a kid..and that was forced on my kids too..instant family..NOT..had they waited my kids would probably had taking a liking moreso to OW's TWO YEAR OLD SON..nice, huh..she left her two year old
- what my kids have definitely not recovered from yet and will probably last a lifetime of horrible memories..
THEY SAW THE RAT IN THE MORNING WITHOUT MAKE-UP!!
So, as you can see, my kids did not respond well to being thrown into XH and OW's R so sooon. Period.. My S cannot stand the sight of her but makes the best of it..which I am glad as I hate seeing him hate anyone..and I mean that..
And my D..she tolerates her as my D was only 7 when her dad left..
My XH did all the wrong things..
Oh, and btw, Xh has lived alone for almost two years as his infatuation with OW blew up in his face..they still date but are more like friends now..they lost all their other ones..
The other issue I wanted to address was the hurtful words that one can hear about when an WAS says he is no longer attracted..ouch..that is a horrible phrase to hear..
My Xh was all over the place with reasons why he left..one minute it was not a physical thing anymore and our sexlife sucked..(for him, I would have to say no..it didn't..for me...I will not go there right now..let's just say he was no Olympian in the sack..lol)
Then, he said our R was only chemical. That we had nothing but a very strong physical bond but no other levels of intimacy..It depended which was the wind blew (no pun intended) to which excuse he would have to why he left and how well we connected intimately...that was in 2004
Fast forward two and three years later..
The guy practically has his tongue wagging out of his mouth when he comes here to pick the kids up..commenting on what I am wearing..flirting..telling me how "hot" I am..it is kind of funny and pathetic at the same time..
Ironically, over the past few years I have seen the Rat try to morph into me...hair, types of clothes, etc..Kind of single white female-ish and it creeps me out..but she still looks like a dork
So, the moral of the story is..MLCers are nuts! They do and say things they do not mean nor will they remember..
Now when XH goes to C with me I swear he does not remember half of what he did and less of what he said to me. One of these days I am going to play him a tape recording of a conversation we had in Jan 2005..He was all over the place with what he was saying..
As for me, I would love to burn the tape simply because I had no backbone. I tried so hard to woo him back when he was being such an a## to me..Man, I should have a lecture series on all this and play the tape..Yeah, play the tape so woman are shown how NOT TO ACT!!
My heart goes out to each and everyone of you for hearing this garbage from the Aliens, having to deal with the rawness of it all and worst of all, seeing the impact on the kids
First and foremost, utilize your anger and do some research on how to deal with divorce and kids. I just spent hours and hours on websites when I was pissed and tried to turn my energy into helping the kids..and I have to say, it really worked.
It worked so well that I am utilizing many of the strategies I have learned on my kids in school and in the office. Keeping up a child's self esteem and teaching them coping skills are key in this day and age..There are so many good resources on the web on how to deal with all this garbage the MLCers throw at us and how to diffuse its impact on the kids..check it out!
Okay, off to bed..Had a good weekend with New Guy as we had all three kids. Many family activities and we capped the day off today with dinner at his brother's house, who is just as great as New Guy.
Three years later..I mean it you guys, life does get better!! It was in this exact spot I sit (my bed) that I used to cry and cry for hours..talking to friends on the phone and just wondering "WHY ME?" Now, I sit in bed and use my laptop to plan new activities for my college freshman that I teach or print upo articles for my new tutoring business..(and sometimes New Guy is right next to me!!) on the nights I don't have the kids, of course..!!
Nighty Night, all..and remember, you are all in my thoughts and prayers..
