ST - thanks! I thought it was an OK balance. Part of me feels a bit guilty for not spending more time w/him, but I think I did pretty well.
Having a great start to my weekend and just wanted to share. Those who've followed me awhile will know my weekends are usually my "anxious time." Even when I do pretty good planning ahead I find myself wandering whatever store I can find open on Friday night just to NOT be home at times.
Tonight was different finally - and the whole weekend will be, actually, so I'm excited for that.
I went to a Tupperware party.. which I know doesn't sound that exciting but it was fun, haven't been to one in awhile. It was hosted by a coworker who I'm becoming better friends with, and she had some really amazing friends who were there too. A lot of strong, close-knit, independent women - neat to talk to. They are the type of women who you just KNOW are ok on their own - 2 are happily married, 1 not so happily, and 1 not in an R at all. I think it helped to talk to them all - helped me kind of "get" the detachment thing. They were all very much detached, no matter what the status of their R (or non-R). We ended up hanging out talking and laughing for hours, which was so fun. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants which hasn't happened to me in a VERY long time. (ok sorry if that was TMI.. but it's true!!)
My friend has one room in her house that's close to the color of paint I was looking for, so I literally took my palm tree pillow over there, held it up to the wall, and it looked good (also got the thumbs up from her interior decorator friend!). She gave me some paint to try out on my wall tomorrow and make sure it doesn't turn some funky color - if it looks as good on my wall as it did on hers, I'll be getting that paint tomorrow. I'm also cooking for my dinner club party tomorrow night.
Saturday night - dinner club party. I've finally gotten to know a kind of "core" group of people who go, so I am excited for that. Doesn't feel so much like I'm the 'new kid.'
Sunday got an invite from a friend to go to a local craft/food type festival, it's sort of a holiday kickoff tradition around here. Should be a lot of fun!!
All in all, shaping up to be a very good weekend.
Thanksgiving is still kind of up in the air which is bugging me a bit - plans with my dad fell through (he's going to his STBXW's family dinner!). So it's either go w/my mom and grandma.. which would be OK but they are both really negative and feed off each other. Or, have an "orphan Thanksgiving" (for people new to the area with no nearby family/friends) here at my house. Or just stay home and do none of the above.. which is tempting actually, but probably not the best idea. Well.. or, I can go to H's family thing. I'm invited and welcome and probably only 4 of the 30 people know our sitch... but it's funny, this is just not even an option in my mind. I don't want to go - and I'm letting myself be OK with that. Feels good.
Already have the weekend after planned - Friday/Saturday visiting my aunt and other grandma with my dad (our original Thanksgiving plan)... Sunday is Trans Siberian Orchestra with my mom, a holiday tradition we started a few years back.
In fact I have at least some GAL stuff planned for pretty much through mid-January... not even holiday stuff, just other things like my dance classes, meetup groups (that I've gotten to know people so it's more like hanging out w/friends now)... it feels SOOO good. It freaked me out the first time I had to choose between two conflicting activities that were all me - no H to consider, I just had too many choices. Nice!!
Hope everyone's doing well. Cross your fingers for me on the latest paint color attempt!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
nikki, you are my gal inspiration. that and my home improvement one. you are awesome! glad you found a paint color. I swear I'm going to tackle my downstairs toilet one of these days because of you. hmmm...actually, am heading to home depot today for lightbulbs. maybe should try to figure it out and do it today. (lightbulbs are easy, but he toilet, well, yikes, but I can do this, I can do this, I can do this).
as for thanksgiving, I guess just picture yourself at each event and see which one feels best to you. good luck with whatever you decide!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
speaking of lightbulbs. if this new color doesn't work, you might just go to lowes and check out a different type of lightbulb. like softwhite, or something. I can't remember which bulbs look best, but they will definitely change the hue of a color, just like sunlight does, so maybe that would be a cheap fix?
glad to hear about all your activities you have. I think the Orphan Thanksgiving could be really cool. and don't feel guilty about not going to your moms or h's fam. you can always do it next year, and xmas is coming up too.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Morgan Aw you are sweet!! I have gotten inspiration from so many people here, glad I can pay that back sometimes.
That's a great idea to picture myself in each situation. That's kinda how I "ruled out" H's family thing, I should use that for the other options too.
ST Thanks! I ran out of time to try the paint today so I'll check it out tomorrow - good idea on the light bulbs if that doesn't work. I halfway want to put up a ceiling fan in there (I realized yesterday that's one thing I LOVE in our current master bedroom). That might be a bit much to tackle.. we'll see.. but if I do, I will get a nice light bulb for it.
I am more and more tempted to do the "orphan Thanksgiving." It's funny, my bro used to do this every year when he lived too far to come home and he said it's the first time he remembers having FUN on Thanksgiving.
I do feel a bit guilty - not about H's family but about my mom/grandma. Grandma's pretty elderly and I don't know how much longer she'll be around (but on the flip side - mostly she talks about how she's been alive too long and wishes she was dead - it's rough to be around for very long!!). Good point that Christmas is coming up, maybe I can bow out of family Thanksgiving if I make up for it on Christmas.
----------------------------- So, on to some journaling for today. H was gone racing all day so I had the house to myself. I got chores done and was lazy for a bit too - stayed in my jammies until probably about 2:00 (although doing laundry in between so not totally worthless). Also cooked all day - pumpkin soup, for tonight's dinner party.
I've been so "go go go" that it felt good to be lazy for awhile. I should have painted but I am just so worn out - I needed the break.
You guys will get a kick out of this I think. As I mentioned H was gone racing all day. I figured I'd be gone before he got home but he arrived just as I was getting ready to leave. It turned into a pretty funny few minutes. I was finishing up cooking my soup and H was commenting how great the house smelled, I said "I know! Hope everyone likes it." H looked very confused. I also realized he was standing there waiting for a hug/kiss but I was busy stirring stuff on the stove and hadn't noticed him waiting (can you believe THAT?). When I realized it I set stuff down - we hugged and kissed - I asked how racing and stuff was and we talked for a few more minutes.
H snacked on what I was making a bit, then said "So.. you're not cooking dinner?" I said "Well yeah I am, for my dinner party - running late though so I gotta go." H says kind of quickly "Oh! Have fun. Hey what did you do last night?" [not "interrogating" way as it looks typed - more a curious friendly way]. I said "Went to a party, it was a lot of fun!" He said "Oh..partying down huh?" I said "Yeah, how 'bout you?" H replied "I cooked a steak and watched a movie then went to bed."
Then he told me as I was packing up my food that "we" were invited to a friend's house tonight (this is the first I've heard of it). I told him to thank them for the invite and tell them I said hi, then loaded up the car and went to pick up my friend. That felt GOOD. I've mentioned before that the way I 'lost' so many friends was I wouldn't plan anything, for fear that H would have some last minute "thing" for us to do. So it felt really great to plan something and go ahead w/my plans.
The dinner was kind of a bust... felt bad for the hosts! A bunch of people flaked and many who showed up got a little TOO "experimental" with their dishes, I think (at least taste test it first people!!). We also got stuck sitting next to this guy who drives both me and my friend CRAZY - totally fluke thing as we tried everything we could to avoid the guy - but oh well. It was still fun to get out.
On the plus side - the three most popular dishes were the one I brought, and the two my friend brought!! They were the only ones people requested recipes for. The people hosting the party even asked if they could keep my leftover soup because they loved it so much. I had kept some behind at home for Thanksgiving so I said sure, and the guy especially (it's a husband/wife who hosted) was RAVING about how good it was.
Pretty much it for my update - going to a fun craft thing tomorrow with some friends so I am looking forward to that.
-------------------------------------------- Oh - but before I go, since this is popular with my family and has now gotten the thumbs up from a bunch of "foodies," thought I'd share my recipe here too.
Creamy Pumpkin Soup 4-6 Servings
Ingredients: 14 oz. chicken stock or broth (homemade or a good quality pre-made one - I like Kitchen Basics or Imagine brand) 1 large onion, diced 1/2 tsp. baking soda 1-3 tsp. cinnamon 2-5 tsp. curry powder 1/4 - 1/2 tsp. nutmeg 2 cups pumpkin puree (I use canned because it's easier, but it might taste even better w/fresh pumpkin if you cook it right) 2 cups half and half 2-4 TBSP butter (NOT margarine, use real butter) Salt to taste White pepper to taste
Optional: Chicken boullion or concentrate Toasted pumpkin seeds* Croutons
Notes: - I am not much of a "measurer" so the quantities are a guide. For the spices especially, I always start with the lower quantity to be safe, but usually end up using the higher quantity.
- This recipe is easy to double, triple, etc.
- The soup is VERY rich. If I serve it before a large dinner (i.e. Thanksgiving), I typically serve it in either small bowls or tea-cups.
- You can easily substitute veggie broth to turn this into a vegetarian soup. I find as a vegetarian soup it tends to need more salt and spices.
Preparation: In a large pot combine broth, onion, cinnamon, nutmeg, curry powder, and baking soda. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Cover and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the onion is transluscent (about 10-20 minutes).
Carefully blend this mixture until completely smooth. You can use a "stick blender," or use a blender or food processor. Be really careful if you use a blender, especially when removing the lid (I have gotten many steam burns this way!).
Pour the blended mixture back in the pot. Add the pumpkin puree and butter. Stir butter in until it melts. Simmer for 10-15 more minutes, stirring occasionally.
Add half and half, and simmer 5-10 more minutes (minimum) while you adjust the seasonings. Add salt and pepper to taste. Also add more cinnamon, nutmeg, and curry to taste. If the seasonings taste right but the broth tastes a bit "weak" you can richen it up by adding chicken boullion/concentrate. I typically use more salt than I would expect with this - just add a little at a time, tasting as you go.
You can serve the soup at this point, simmer for awhile, or refrigerate and reheat later. I think it actually tastes better after either sitting in a crockpot on low for a couple of hours, or reheated after it's been refrigerated.
If you wish, garnish with toasted pumpkin seeds, croutons, and/or a sprinkle of cinnamon.
This can be cooked 1-3 days ahead.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------- * For the pumpkin seeds: the easiest way I've found is to buy raw, shelled pumpkin seeds in the bulk food section. Rinse and drain (but don't dry) them, sprinkle with salt, and toss to evenly salt all seeds. Then toast either on a baking sheet at 375 degrees, or in a skillet over medium heat. Either way, watch them carefully, and toast until they are just turning a golden brown.
Incidentally - the seeds also make a tasty snack, either plain or flavored. My favorite flavored variety is sprinkling them with fresh lime juice and chili powder before toasting (not for the soup - just for a snack!).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I've never had pumpkin soap before. I'd be scared to make it without trying it first.
very glad you didn't feel like dropping all your plans for H. If you guys do get back together, that will be something you guys will balance out, but right now, you can definitely be doing your own things whenever you want to and shouldn't feel guilty about it, unless H decides he wants to commit again.
on your moms/gmas party. ya, that IS something to consider. Do they live somewhere far? could it be possible just for you to stop by for a bit to see her, or even stop by her place the weekend of Thanksgiving, by yourself? It might help to see your gma alone instead of with your mom since you said they feed off each other's negative energy.
I wish I could just try YOUR soup!
oh, we actually got our ceiling fan at Walmart... it was 28 bucks and it looks modern with frosted glass (well, actually plastic) for the lights. I think though, you should find someone to actually install it. electrical is more tricky, and you don't want to short something out, or really hurt yourself, especially something in the ceiling. those things are heavy! oooh, maybe you could find a bamboo style one, I'm pretty sure I've seen those at Lowes.
oh, guess what... I have more new babies! like 50-60 of them. Have only 3 from the last batch, got them in a fry holder and they're doing good.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST Pumpkin SOUP not SOAP. I'm teasing ya. Wish I could easily send you some! It's good but yeah, I can't imagine taking it somewhere without trying it first. I've made it 4 or 5 years now. At the party it seemed like most people brought stuff they had never even tasted before. eek.
Yeah, the plans thing is something we'll really have to balance out if we get back together. H is starting to realize that, I think... he didn't see it at the time but it caused a lot of our problems before that he wouldn't plan, and I wouldn't keep my plans "just in case" he came up w/something. [yes the fault on that lies with BOTH of us where I used to just blame him - but he never "got it" and seems to now that I'm never availalbe... ]He's already talking to me about stuff next weekend - unheard of for him.
I'm leaning more and more towards doing Thanksgiving here.. invite some friends.. and just see what happens. I could definitely visit my grandma over the weekend or something and I think that would be better.
I saw those really cool bamboo style ceiling fans at Lowe's, very tempting!
Hey congrats on the new baby fish, that is so cool!! Glad you saved 3 from the last batch, too. I guess that's why they have so many.. so at least a few make it to adulthood.
mkultra Yeah, can you believe that? H dropped bomb 1 in Oct. last year... I hadn't even TOLD my dad about it, and then he got the bomb from stepmom in Feb of this year. Hers was more planned though. She moved out the day after. That was when I told my dad I was going through the same thing. Just crazy.
To top it off.. SIL (H's sister) walked out on her H in May. Had been planning it for months but waited til they got back from their trip to Europe.
When it rains it pours I guess, huh??
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
hey, and on the plans thing... remember how Michelle talks about using ACTION on guys instead of words? your action is YOU being unavailable, so now he HAS to arrange plans with you if he wants to do anything with you.
Wouldn't it be great if we knew everything that worked, instead of trying to figure it out?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Good for you! Make H work. He's taken you for granted for too long!
It got so if H didn't make plans with me at least a week in advance, I was busy. I made sure of this. I never cancelled any plans, and I made him work. Men only value what they have to work for...and I'm not so sure that's not true for women as well.
Anyway, after a few times of hearing, "Sorry, but I've already got plans," H got his booboo together and scheduled in advance. Even now he does that because I'm staying pretty busy. We might not have solid plans these days, but he's claiming a night. I would require your H to have specific plans at this point though....
You're doing great. When is the Sonoma gathering again? I'm thinking I might find some extra cash to come up....
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
ST Yep - actions (or inavailability) seem to be important. Heck yeah, this figuring things out is a pain.. but fun, too.
SD Wow, I can barely even imagine ALWAYS a week in advance?? Although I'm getting there. hehe I like that, "get his booboo together".. that made me laugh, thanks! I like it. Like the specific plans idea too.
Sonoma is 12/7 - 12/9. That would be so cool if you could join us!! The "official" dinner is 12/8, but I'm going for the whole weekend. Right now I still have my room w/two Queen beds - would be glad to share a room if you want. If no one else is sharing the room with me I plan to "downgrade" to a single King bed as it's a bit cheaper - but I think it's about $70/night if you want to share a room.
I think there's someone planning a So Cal get together now as well (in the Just For Fun forum). I shouldn't tell you as I'd rather you come join us in Sonoma .. but wanted to mention it.
Will post more soon - thanks for checking in all.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
(although doing laundry in between so not totally worthless). Also cooked all day - pumpkin soup, for tonight's dinner party. 
That felt GOOD. I've mentioned before that the way I 'lost' so many friends was I wouldn't plan anything, for fear that H would have some last minute "thing" for us to do. So it felt really great to plan something and go ahead w/my plans. 
.. but wanted to mention it.