Thanks!! What's even nicer??? I have them on Monday and Tuesday normally.. so it's my 5 day stretch.. then she has me watching them on Wednesday as well.. not sure she realizes I've got them 6 days straight.. then again... not sure she cares.
Jar, can I tell you something w/o you getting defensive? I'm reading between the lines here, however, what I'm "hearing" is that you are TRYING not to care, but you still do more than you want to and you are playing her games.
I can almost feel what you are feeling right now, BTDT, but you need to truly figure out how to detach for real. I think you're trying, but just acting like you are right now.
I could be way off, but that's what I'm seeing.
I truly know how much this sucks and I wish I could take it all away.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
You are doing a great job of handling this crummy situation with maximum honor and dignity. She is not happy with the mature, consistent Jarhead that doesn't engage in her drama. Despite your feelings for her (dwindling, in know) you are being true to yourself and your girls. Good for you!
I'm wondering how "new" these behaviors are. If you look back at the first years of your marriage, did she play any of these types of games? In my experience, people don't change all that much...they just reveal themselves.
Well, and obviously, "caring too much" is normal. She's your W and you don't want a D and you want your family back together!!
Also, you will probably think "how can you do this" a million times over! BTDT!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Sure you care a little too much. It's not like you can flip a switch or something. You're a good husband and a great father. Men like that can't just decide not to care.
"How can you do this?" seems like all of our thoughts and reactions boil down to this one thing.
You're doing a good job of keeping it together. Especially as you're starting to see who she really is right now.
-------------- The Forlorn Hope:...A picked body of men detached to the front to begin the attack....Fortified, meaning strengthened to stand...and thus, positioned for victory
OK.. so today I changed tactics. Honestly.. not sure the "dark" thing was working all that well. I didn't like it and not sure it did me any good.
This morning I was cheerful and in a good mood when I brought D's in. W immediately responded "You look nice!!" "You too.."
Just a much better atmosphere.
So.. W calls at lunch and said she needed to talk. I was in a meeting, so it rolled. I called her back and she informs me that she talked to her L and wasn't comfortable with D's missing school on Wednesday. Not sure if I mentioned that, but I'm watching D's for W on Wednesday and possibly was going to take the day off with them. Not sure what I was going to do, so when W asks, I really had no idea. She was using "school" as the excuse, but it was really the fact that I didn't tell her where we were going (another woman).
Anyway.. that will come back to bite her in the butt. She said "We are joint parents and need to agree on things" Oh yeah.. that will come back.
So.. decided to take the high road.. I would rather be in a good mood than a bad one. In the midst of the day, multiple calls and texts from W.. when I didn't responde.. lots of follow up.
Called on my home from W after several calls/texts. Talked about nothing in general... although she did mention she has a UTI (barf). Actually led to a kidney infection.. she's worried about that.
What I really want... I really want to have a friendly relationship with her. Not a romantic one.. I want to be friendly and light around her.. because that's how I truly feel. I want to truly care less about what she's doing unless it relates to the D's. Can Santa bring that for me?
Seriously, I understand what you are saying, but my worry is she will take it as an invitation to play more games with you. It seems that if you give her an inch she wants a foot..
I know you want things to be friendly, but right now I don't know if that is possible with an alien.. I mean you don't have to be nasty, just state the facts and be cordial, thats it.
you are really doing well.. its hard.. I just don't know what her motive is yet.
((hugs))
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I think I can find a happy middle. I just need to keep the boundaries clearly defined.
If we start getting into an area where I'm not comfortable, I just need to lay it out there. It's all about self preservation now.
I'm thinking I'm taking the holiday off from working out.. I've been stressed and really tired lately. Start back up hard core monday.. including several days of running. It's amazing how quickly the belly rounds out without cardio!!
When I say friendly, I mean just pleasant.. I don't necessarily want to get into daily "How was your day..." married friendly, I just want to deal with her as I need in a non-irritated manner. That's all on me... I need to not let the little things she says and does bother me. I need to find a way to tactfully and diplomatically wade through issues with the D's.
2008 is going to be one hell of a year.. here's to a good one!!
