So I think that I set my expectations way to high for this visit. She just left and I feel completely down right now. There was no R talk or anything like what we had last night. There were some positives and I definitely kept my cool though. I wasn't as charming or whatever as I probably should have been, but I wasn't mean or controlling either. I guess I acted like I would with any other friend that stopped over to watch TV. Inside I was dying though to have her on the couch with me but not really WITH me. I wanted to pull her over and hold her like there was no tomorrow, but I settled for the fact that she let her feet touch me. It was so hard watching her drive away. I wanted to stand in the driveway and wave, but I turned my back and came in the house. She did give me a hug and thanked me a couple times for letting her come see the dogs (even though they were outside most of the time). When she was saying goodbye to them, she told them that she would see them again soon. I'm probably reading way to much into everything. When she said that she should probably get going, I said "so soon?". To which she told me that she had to get some groceries and that her parents wanted her to stop over tonight too. I think that she would have spent more time here if she could have. She originally wanted to come over at 2, but I told her that I would still be busy working on the yard so we settled on 4.
Overall, I think that this was a positive time and I think that she'll want to do it again. My new goal is to make sure that if she ever does want to do it again that I need to make it as comfortable and pressure free environment as I possibly can. Also, I need to work on detaching more. I think that if I was more detached than I wouldn't have had such high expectations. I wish this crap was all over with. I feel like my life has become a game of chess and I have no idea what her next move is going to be. I can't even see the board, so I have to assume that every move that I make may result in checkmate. What a grand life I lead...
B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
It was so hard watching her drive away. I wanted to stand in the driveway and wave, but I turned my back and came in the house. She did give me a hug and thanked me a couple times for letting her come see the dogs (even though they were outside most of the time). When she was saying goodbye to them, she told them that she would see them again soon. I'm probably reading way to much into everything. When she said that she should probably get going, I said "so soon?". To which she told me that she had to get some groceries and that her parents wanted her to stop over tonight too. I think that she would have spent more time here if she could have. She originally wanted to come over at 2, but I told her that I would still be busy working on the yard so we settled on 4.
