I Will Survive!

[sage]

Okay, I journalled that before reading all of your replies, so maybe instead of feeling sorry for myself, I'll try to make it happen, even something closer by. I can't actually rent a car to go the spa I have in mind as it's probably close to 2,000 miles away.

YES! Figure out a way to make it happen!!! DO IT!

Also brought up the physical touch thing at C. I was floored to hear H say that he doesn&t think I have a higher sex drive than him.

So I guess all the times he told me that he doesnt fantasize, didnt even masturbate much anymore, guess those were lies to make me back off?

actually, when I read what you said about H's beliefs, I took it to mean that H was misinterpreting YOUR sex drive not the other way around. In other words, that when you think that you have a neon sign over your head saying "give it to me now" that H doesn't get it? Or, is it that H is saying "yah, here's part of my sex drive reserved for sb and there's part of it reserved for fantasy and..." -- that his drive is compartmentalized? And maybe part of it isn't for you to share (ok, I AM talking about solo activities here -- not ow stuff). The question is: how can you get more of the pie (so to speak)???

C asked him about that. He brought up the past when I was controlling, a turn off. What about now? Old habits die hard? He mentioned me feeling down lately, also a turn off for him. So in order for him to feel sexy what?

My H has also said my "personality" has turned him off in the past -- controlling, etc. Seems like one of those vicious cycles -- the less we get the more we "demand" it, hence appearing controlling or full of expectation.

Have there been times when sex just "works" for you guys? In other words, a la DB'ing, what about the times when initiating it has been easy or when H has initiated? What works? What doesn't?

In your post you talk a bunch about appearing "sexy" to H. What makes YOU feel sexy? As long as it doesnt' involve other people, may be that's the way to go??? What if SB did some stuff (eat, drink, dress, go out, sing, new underwear, tv, whatever) to make herself feel good and confident and sexy?

Sage