People say, if you think about it you will remeber that your marriage wasn't that great,
People are wrong. They say this to justify the actions of moving on...might as well give up, it wasn't really good anyway.
Well first, what do they know? And second, it is common to look back on something like this and forget the joy, recreating it as a negative experience because of the recent memories.
It has been over two years since Bomb drop and when I came to this board. Sweetheart has been home for 10.5 months now--without waivering. But intimacy is slow. He sometimes talks about finding me attractive, and at others how he must not be because he doesn't want sex or I'm too heavy (I weigh less than on our wedding day). I put on about 10lbs after the accident in May--actually five of them came when I was allowed to start walking and wasn't getting the crutching exercise.
We have been intimate, but not often.
You know that you are attractive. You alos know there is nothing wrong with you, and that doesn't mean you are perfect; we all make mistakes.
But you know very well that you will find neither causes or solutions by trying to find the problem for his lack of attraction within yourself. It is his problem. And I seriously doubt the problem is attraction to you. But other problems within himself are manifesting outwardly with that issue, and he then uses it as an excuse.
That doesn't mean you have to believe it.
Are you having a bad day/week/month? You aren't usually like this.
Someone elses's crisis is not your fault. It doesn't matter how perfect your marriage. Something triggered old issues to resurface and he doesn't know how to deal with them. He may have learned great coping mechanisms, but they were not tested by Demons and crisis level issues. When those issues resurfaced he reverted to old coping mechanisms--ineffective mechanisms because he didn't know any better.
What you do is the same thing you have been doing. Focus on YOU.
Be the safe place, nonjudgmental, unconditionaly forgiving and loving. Be these things regardless of whether you have contact or not.
