ScottyMack, I know this is pure hell for you now with the kids home and the holidays coming. Your kids do know about the divorce, right? If your D continues to asks you questions, then that means she is not getting anywhere with her mom or else doesn't believe what she is being told. Apparently, she feels that you will be more up front with her. You have tried to gentle tell her that her mom has problems, so now may be the time to tell her things are not looking good and that you don't know what to do or how to help her mom b/c she continues to play the denial role. You may even have to tell her about OM. She is wanting the truth and is going to be very upset at both of her parents for keeping her in the dark about this, so you may have to be the one to break it to her. I'm sure her mom doesn't want to appear to be the bad guy and may be tempted to put you in a bad light, so in the long run, it may be just as well that you try to break the news to D. Just be careful about how you talk about her mother. The D will probably be angry with her mother. Allow her that anger, and don't try to take up for your wife or cover up for her anymore. Just don't say anything nasty about her.....I know you wouldn't, but somethimes the tempatation may be strong to do so. The son may not ask questions, b/c he may not want to know. Even though he knows you are sleeping in his room.....somethimes boys just don't want to know those personal things about their parents. It depends on the individual of course. But, he needs to be prepared.

Your wife's actions about being chatty and the cooking, etc. was probably just a "mood" that she was in at the time. I wouldn't place too much importance on it b/c it won't last. I can only imagine what a rollercoaster ride it is for you. Never knowing what to expect is hard on the nerves. Also living a falsehood is hard on the nerves, so the sooner all of this comes out and is over, the better on everyone concerned.

I think her going to church and pretending everything is still ok at home is part of that role also.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!