More hugs for you. I feel for you, as with many others here I am sure. I have some thoughts with your post but I need to gather my thoughts better. Your H sounds similar to my H, so don't lose hope. One thing I pick up is that your H said 3-person R won't work. I remember at the beginning, my H once said of course every man wants a wife and a girlfriend. Only later he said this (3-person R) cannot go on forever because we are all hurt. So now it is you OR ow, not both.
I will post more later. For now, please take care of yourself. No R talk. Go do something else. I know my H needs some time to digust my speech so may be your H also needs some time (and you also) to process the talk. TAKE CARE!!!
