I caught wind that somebody was worried because I haven't updated my thread... so here goes:
Thanks h... that's OK about the old email. Just trying to shift all email to the one listed on my profile. The wife knows about the other one, and I just want to be prepared in the event she asks me for the password. If she asks, I will give her a quid pro quo (I'll show you mine if you'll you show me yours... password, that is... ). She doesn't know about the yahoo email in my db profile...
Just kicking around thoughts here...
My brother and sister have both contacted me regarding Thanksgiving. Not sure why, but I am reluctant to bring it up with the wife. I guess I don't enjoy hearing another reminder from her that she does not want to spend time with me. Heck, it's painful when somebody you barely know says (or implies it). Imagine if a neighbor you barely knows says, "Well if you are going to be there, I don't want to go." Ouch.
So I am avoiding the subject with her. I also don't want to hear that she is taking the kids to see her father (about 250 miles) and I am not welcome to join them (although her father and step-mom would explicitly invite me - they would make a point doing so). So I think that she has not broached the subject with them either.
I am traveling this week, so when I talk to her today, I will ask her about Thanksgiving. Thanks everybody for talking me into it.
Mark, she is avoiding you for the same reasons. Its can get difficult to approach these things. I am terrified to ask H about Disney in February (our annual trip, but its his family's timeshare). I really don't want to hear "I'm taking them on my own". Ouch City.
I think you are doing the right thing by asking her today while you are out of town. Get the plans set. I am sorry if she excludes you from visiting her family. Can you make plans another time to see them, and just say "Well, I didn't get to see them on Thanksgiving, and I missed that...."
Mark, she is avoiding you for the same reasons. Its can get difficult to approach these things.
You know, you may be right. Either she plans to go see her father and he has invited me and she has to ask me but doesn't want to... or she has no plans. Either way, it's kinda tough on her as well. She knows she has hurt me, and doesn't want to hurt me any more. There is an outside chance she will be driving to see her boyfriend. Not likely, though.
Originally Posted By: lwb
I am terrified to ask H about Disney in February (our annual trip, but its his family's timeshare). I really don't want to hear "I'm taking them on my own". Ouch City.
Yeah, I can believe that. But I imagine that your February trips to WDW will need to stop anyway, because of a conflicting school schedule... right?
Originally Posted By: lwb
I think you are doing the right thing by asking her today while you are out of town. Get the plans set. I am sorry if she excludes you from visiting her family. Can you make plans another time to see them, and just say "Well, I didn't get to see them on Thanksgiving, and I missed that...."
Not sure how to handle it. I do need to go see her father for another flying lesson, so I will be going to see him sometime in the near future. I will just play it by ear...
Nothing much. A few interesting things.... wife and I had a bit of a row yesterday. Nothing big... but it is becoming apparent that she is more "attached" than I am. I was sitting back, watching her nearly come unglued. She even asked me, "Why are you smiling and not saying anything?" I resisted the temptation to say, "I don't care any more. This fight means nothing to me. Being married to you so something I do not enjoy. Your indecision is pushing me away, and I am indifferent on salvaging our marriage." I just told I am enjoying hearing her ranting. Of course, this made her angrier.
So she is in fact, still emotionally connected. And I suspect that she is sensing that I am drifting. Stay tuned.
OK, so remember in late Sept when she told me that she wants to file in mid/late October. When I asked what is the hurry, she said she does not want to spend the holidays with my family. So... Although the family on my side isn't doing anything big together for the US Thanksgiving holiday, she has surprised me that she hasn't spoken to her father about what he is doing. You know, if she's gonna rely on this guy to help her through our messy divorce, you would think she would at least talk to the guy (he lives about 200 miles away). I think two things are at work: First, guilt, guilt, guilt. It's eating away at her. Plus, if her dad invited her, he would explicitly invite me as well, so she would need to "drag" me along. So she is avoiding something difficult in her life. Ignore it and maybe it will get better or go away. Which is how we ended up here in the first place... but that's a different chapter.
Second thing about the holidays.... so she doesn't want to spend time with my family, huh? So please help me understand why she's paging through a catalog (am I the only person here who is being buried by catalogs in the US Mail?)... anyway, so she's going through a catalog picking Christmas gifts for her to give to my mother. Does she really think I would hand it to my mother and say, "This is from wife ... she had other plans." ?? Go figure. Alien.
Something is going to happen. Her confusion and guilt are driving her somewhere. Not sure where.
I most definately will stay tuned. W is realizing that you aren't that pursuer, the clingy one anymore. She is wondering where you are, and then realizes it when SHE is the one coming unglued, being all emotional, stomping her feet. Good Mark, this is good.
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I just told I am enjoying hearing her ranting. Of course, this made her angrier.
hee hee, you are a stinker. But this is good. Not just good from DB'ing aspects. But good for you, for your heart and protecting your emotions.
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Her confusion and guilt are driving her somewhere. Not sure where.
This is why I will stay tuned. I am very interested. W if changing, now sure how, but she is changing.
