How Many Days to Go?

[RedHeadWife]

Oh, my goodness, I actually locked a thread -- I've never done that

Just journaling a bit . . . I'm a smoker (I know, bad, bad), but while I'm outside doing my thing early in the a.m., I have lots of time to think.

This a.m. for some reason, I was thinking about how I felt during the whole D sitch. I sometimes try to MAKE myself remember how awful it was just so I don't forget.

I think one of the things that bothers me is that I'm afraid that no matter how good things are, there is always going to be this little niggling in the pit of my stomach and a tug on my heart reminding me that things could go sour again. He's done it once . . .

I guess in a way that's good, I won't ever forget the lessons learned, and I don't want to forget. I need to always remember that an M takes work every day to keep it good, but I wish there was a different way to keep it in mind.

I sit here and so wish I could get into his head and see how he remembers the whole sitch and how he feels about it. I am still so totally blown away when I think about how cold he was to me during that whole time. The things he said & did!!

I'm not dwelling, like I said, I guess those of us here know we can't forget or it could happen again if we're not careful. I just don't like the thought of living like that every day for the rest of my M.

My mom accidentally gave my 2 new books to the library when they took a bunch of library books back. I went ahead & ordered them again. I think it's important for me to have as much info as I can to make sure I'm doing all the right things. I don't think H has yet realized how much work & effort an M takes and I am going to have to be the one to make sure we stay on track. I guess I should just be thankful, and I am, that he is just "back" and hopefully will just be happy that our family is still together and that will be enough.

I told him last night that S7 made a place mat at school for Thanksgiving and he wrote "I am thankful for my family." H said that's so cool -- I am too -- thankful for my family