She doesn't know if she wants a divorce

[Goldy07]

We have been through some rough times and I admit I haven't been the easiest person to live with. In fact, looking back now, I was an outright a$$hole to her at times. But I love her to death. She is my world to me. I guess I know how she felt at times through the years. Anyways, the separation began last May. Months prior to that she had picked up a new girlfriend, who happened to be going through a divorce at the time. She had started going to a bar with this friend to have fun. I didn't mind at first, but it started to continue into every weekend. In her defense she does love to sing karioke. This new friend of hers started telling me when I was becoming upset with the fact that my wife is closing down bars now, that she wasn't doing anything wrong, just having fun. Well she had met a guy through her new friend, and they had started talking. She had started lying to me and her parents to go meet this guy so they could talk about our problems. Well her new best friend decided that she didn't like this guy and that my wife didn't need to be around him, so she called me and told me that she was seeing another guy. Yes I did go confront her about it and things did get out of hand on my part, but I am now dealing with the legal issue that has taught me a very valuable lesson. Don't lose your temper and know when to walk away. I know I am still lucky that she is talking to me. This wasn't the reason she moved out though, she had already been moved out for two months. Another thing that has come up lately is that she didn't want to give me hope that she was waiting for me to come around to my senses. So here I was, wanting to be with someone that showed no interest in me but told everyone that she wanted it to work out, everyone except me. And she wondered why I felt soo frustrated at times. I have finally took it upon myself to just schedule an appointment with the counselor since that is what she finally told me to do, instead of telling me when she was available. I know this seems like a big mess, but she was my first love, my first everything. So here I am announcing it to the world, I love this woman! Am I crazy for all of this??