Yeah, I hear you that I hope coldness is just the front, there is still some hurt there. From all the R talks after the bomb I am pretty sure she is feeling a lot of hurt from it all, but she's not showing it right now. Maybe at some point she will be ready to deal with the hurt and maybe open up a bit. And yeah, I've read the estimates, expect it to be at least a month for every year it was bad before she wants to open up and deal with it...patience is a virtue and my best friend now, I know, but it's just tough when all this is happening to hope that, maybe, it might improve in, say, January or February--especially when right now she seems poised to just start a new life without me.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
Well, W is moving out today for good. She's been packing and in the process of moving a couple days now (taking several trips). I still can't believe it has come to this...
We are still getting along, it feels so weird though. Last night we went and got take out together, it was just fine, almost like it used to be (except she paid for her own meal). Then we get home and there's no where to eat cause her boxes are everywhere. We eat and chit chat a little, then she just goes back to listening to music and packing. She appears to have no emotion whatsoever about what's going on.
Before she left today I told her I wanted to say something, she was like "What? Huh? Yeah sure say it." like she was so surprised that I had something to say. So I said "I am sad by all this and wish it wasn't happening, but I understand and accept that this is what you want. That's all, I just wanted you to know." Possibly this is backsliding, but I felt I had to say it, this is one of the more significant days in my life and needed to say something before she left. All she said was "I knew this would be bad," then "Ok, I'll see you later." Totally cold and unemotional. So she left, then later she called to leave a message that she'd pick me up some groceries on her way home before the next trip.
I can't GAL tonight, I just feel sick, unless I can get up to run or lift weights after dinner...I knew this day was coming but had no clue I'd feel so bad.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
mako, sorry to hear this news. next month is my turn. keep db'ing. pray, ask for peace in a situation that screams the oppisite. do not give up. it is ok to feel bad. take care of yourself.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Thanks craig, I will do all you suggest...I could use some peace right now.
If your impending S is still a month away, don't give up hope yet. A lot can happen in a month...for instance, a month ago I thought I was happily married! Take care...
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
Well, W is moving out today for good. She's been packing and in the process of moving a couple days now (taking several trips). I still can't believe it has come to this...
My W moved out three weeks ago. It's a really tough process, but you might be surprised how your R improves after she isn't living with you.
She mentioned last night that we were doing Thanksgiving together and that she would come over mid-afternoon on Thursday. I mentioned to her "Well, we'll have to do it at your house because you're the one with the table". We laughed about it and rearranged our plans, but it was the truth - D and I eat at the kitchen counter when we have dinner together
Go work out tonight, get some air. Sitting at home alone isn't going to get you anywhere positive quickly.
brit, how did improve your relationship? i know when my wife is out of town on business things seem a lot calmer.i think she wants to move out because she is feeling guilty. i have been db'ing pretty well for 3weeks, no r talk until she brought it up last thursday. she said she wanted to move to her friends house, she did not want to give me false hope. i never said anything to that. she has been very uncomfortable for the last two weeks. i would welcome some positive results. have a great thanksgiving.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
brit, how did improve your relationship? i know when my wife is out of town on business things seem a lot calmer.i think she wants to move out because she is feeling guilty. i have been db'ing pretty well for 3weeks, no r talk until she brought it up last thursday. she said she wanted to move to her friends house, she did not want to give me false hope. i never said anything to that. she has been very uncomfortable for the last two weeks. i would welcome some positive results. have a great thanksgiving.
Check my thread - She moved out and started anti-depressants the same day, so it's pretty hard to tell what did what. I know that having moved out she misses me, she misses time with D, she doesn't do much on her own anymore and she goes out of her way for us to spend time together.
My wife has told me on a few occasions that she isn't sure if she made the right decision to move out (she said it a few times before moving, but she has mentioned it since she left), and that she feels uncomfortable in her new house. She pretty much doesn't eat, has irregular sleep patterns (even without D) and really doesn't seem like herself when she's on her own. The ironic thing is that whenever we're together, she pretty much behaves like her old self - Happy, laughing, playing with D and having fun with me. We exchange hugs, kisses and ILY's all the time now - We don't talk R anymore, but it's more like we're 'dating' or something now. She has told me she enjoys the time she has to herself (that is, time on her own without me and D), but that she wants me to live closer to her...
Thanks for the encouragement Brit. Went out for a run and I feel much better...
Maybe with some time away my W will start to remember the good things about me and lose some of the negative memories...and maybe her severe coldness will melt down a but. In the meantime I will just try to keep on keepin on, and working on myself.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
This was my first night alone with W moved out. It actually wasn't so bad, and I didn't even leave the house. Just talked to a friend on the phone for a while, and played some games online with a couple other old friends. Kept my mind off things at least, but I haven't really been too sad today.
W called earlier today...I wasn't mentally prepared, I expected that a friend was calling and didn't check the number (if you are DBing and have caller id, ALWAYS check the number so you'll be prepared if it's your S). She asked if she could use a TV that we don't use, it's just sitting in the closet. I feel like I was kind of rude, all I could hear her say was "I'm ripping your heart out, but I also want your stuff," so I was short with her and not too nice. But I ultimately agreed she could take it, and it wasn't all bad, we joked a little about some things. She ended saying she hoped I had a great Thanksgiving.
Later I may have backslid a bit...I kept thinking that I wasn't nice about the TV, so I called...she didn't answer so I just left a message saying I was sorry about that and hoped she'd have a good first night in the new place...she never called me back, so that call may have been a mistake. Nothing I can do about it now though, so can't worry about it.
Anyway, I will go see family for Thanksgiving. I plan to not call W all weekend, let her know there is no pursuit on, she can call me if she wants.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
This was my first night alone with W moved out. It actually wasn't so bad, and I didn't even leave the house. Just talked to a friend on the phone for a while, and played some games online with a couple other old friends. Kept my mind off things at least, but I haven't really been too sad today.
The first week after W moved out I wasn't sad either - It hit me about 10 days after she was gone that I realized that this was just the way it was. That was when I started making my own routines, doing stuff by myself at home and going out on my own.
Take it a day at a time Some days will be good, some won't be so good. Just don't expect tomorrow to be the same as today. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.
