Quick update. My W just called me and accepted my invitation to dinner that I had made last Sunday. Patience and no pushing have just paid off. I played it cool on the phone and didn't sound desperate. We decided tonight at 7 we would meet up half way. (She's a half hour away.) I offered to pick her up but she said she didn't mind driving. I think it's more neutral this way anyhow and I don't want to do anything to make her uncomfortable. I do plan on giving her the birthday presents that I got for her. Wish me luck. Everyone send me their positive mental vibes please. This is the first time that I've seen her in a month...
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
I kind of feel like I'm talking to myself here, but I find it cathartic, so whatever...
It's amazing how your whole outlook can change in the matter of a few hours. Dinner went well. She loved her presents. In fact, she couldn't wait to open them and opened them while we were still waiting to be seated. I got a kiss for my efforts. Dinner started out good. I resolved to remain positive no matter what. It was mostly small talk and what not during dinner. I cracked a few jokes and got a smile or two. Nothing big really.
After dinner, we were still sitting at the table and she started to seem really down. She kept asking me how I was doing and I said that I was doing really good. I talked about what I had been up to and how my GAL things were really giving me a positive outlook on life. I had finished talking and we were both quiet for a minute, so I asked her how she was doing. At first she said good. Then she said not really. She told me how she felt lost and is worried about the decisions that she is making. She said that she has a hard time concentrating and how she needs to get her act together. She said how much she missed our pets and asked me about how the house was doing. She said that she was sorry. I just actively listened and validated where I found necessary. I'm really worried about her as she sounds depressed. I encouraged her to go seek professional help. I said that there are people that love and care about you and you should look to them for help. I told her that I would be there for her whenever she needed me.
Then she asked me what I was doing the rest of the night. I told her the truth that my brother was coming down to stay the night. Then she said oh, I was hoping to come down and hang out. I thought we could sit on the couch and watch some TV. I said that I could cancel with my bother, but she wouldn't let me. So, I said call me tomorrow if you want. You're welcome to the house anytime. I said if you just want to see the dogs that I could go do something. Her reply was no, she wanted me there too.
I feel like tonight was a huge breakthrough. Only made possible because I kept my wits about me and my PMA going. I almost had a HUGE backslide that would have ruined the whole evening. While we were waiting for our food I noticed that she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. It took all that I had not to say anything about it. I am so glad that I didn't though. I know that it would have destroyed the entire evening. Peace to All, B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
It is so nice to see a man with open feelings. My H left Nov 5th -- I found out he was moving out and getting his place ehrn I ran into him at the cell phone store with his truck fully loaded; He said he seeked legal counsel for a "D" -- I left iwth the kids that night came back the next day and he wouldn't leave -- so I calle dthe police -- He agreed to leave so I pack a few things for the kids on a Sunday night (school teh next day) in the midst of it all, as I was having a nervous breakdown with my doctor on the phone -- I was reading his email -- found an email from her -- he comes home after I call him on it -- tells me he thinks he ahs feelings fro her. He left that night Oct 14th -- I had to get a restraining order cause Ifelt he would take the kids, there has minor Domestic Violience inthe past, and it has exculated with time -- but it doesn't happen alot, and we always worked things out -- He had his lawyer draw up an agreement that stated that we would attend marriage counseling and etc, etc, etc ... I set up appointmetns he wouldnot talk about his affair and when we talked on the phones if we were not talking about hte kids, he would hang up on me, so in one couseling meeting I agreed to let him hav ethe kids weekend of Nov 9-11th well he had cashed out a large soem of funds from his IRA to be depoisted into his pirvate account; it was 3 day weekend and I feared once agian he would run with the kids. He had also called me at worked on wed before the Fri of the visitation and he had gotten confrontational with an asst sup -- my employer requested that I pull another restaining order to protect myself and my fellow employees. Have to admit that was scary, went to counseling she said I lost control cause I let teh first one go, she agreed to get another restraining order, went to my doctor she also agreed to get another restraining order -- So I did now we can't talk, email etc... He was using my oldest son to communicate aobut my where abouts and what I was doing wwith him, I answered the cell phone, would't let him talk to teh children and he callled the serivce and had my cell and my son's cell disconnected. that was Friday Nov 9th Saturday morning shows up unannouce and tries to get in but my girlfriends and I changed the locks they convinced me that he no longer lives here he should not have free acess to come and go. From the time I lifted the first restraining order Oct 22 thru Nov 5th if we had a fight he would call 911 to document the DV -- he was sending me emails at work -- to document our ocnverstaions so I stopped answering emails, after he called my work and confronted my asst supv about my where abouts. He is having an A with a co-worker of his, I found the email got phone records form July to now, he is currently loking for another job, cause they can't be caught working in the same department. I love this man did you hear me ? We have been married 17 years have 3 sons and started out with nothing not even 2 pennies to rub together! Now he has chosen to be with another women and he has been seen wtih her 2 times in my small town, once at the police station it even states in teh report he was going to spend the night with a friend, seh quickly ducked in the car. then on Sunday night Nov 11 -- my best friend ran into him at the grocery store with her getting pizza, a bottle of wine, and pizza cutter he had her go to a different line and check out there -- how degrating for her I thought and I was angry what If that would have been me -- and tgeh kids then what? Well he finally got serve papers on the 13th -- he hasn't e-mailed me sinceor called the house. Oh yea he won't even tell me where he lives, told me he doesn't owe me an explaination, -- he ordered cable fro his apt, adn the cable commpany gave me the address; so I have been going over there every night about 3-4 am to see if he is there I see his truck there and then I go home and finally get a few hours of sleep -- I have missed work for the month of Oct, and Nov, cause my nerves can not take anymore. He took all finicial records, the checkbooks, left us high and dry little did I know that the last time we would go to the grocery store would be the last. I haven't a clue of what is being paid -- I went and ordered checks so that I could pay the bills to have a roof over our head, and the car and food I have been pulling out cash so I can hide it in case I need cash when he closes the account. I'm sure he will soon, stop the gas card, etc.... I have been reading Divorce busting, the 7 steps I went straight to tragic mood and started the 180 although he has not reliezed it yet -- cause we have not spoken -- I am still shaking from the time this all started. Very upsetting that after 18 years -- my friends are totally shocked never thought he would be the one to have an affair - Hopeless in Seattle!
Bhopeful, your night sounded wonderful, I'm very happy for you!
It sounds like she is having second thoughts about things, so keep it up, stay cool, don't get mad about stuff like the wedding ring, etc. Just do what you've been doing, it seems it is working!
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
adriana, Wow, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. This is a good place to come for support. I'm not sure what advice to give you at this point though. The Divorce Remedy is Michele's second book and it seems like most people like that better, so maybe you could pick up a copy of that. Also, you should post your story out in the main forum so that people can find you easier and help you through this. Let me know if you need help figuring out how to do this. Peace, B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Okay. More new developments. She called me this morning while I was at church and left a message asking me to call her back. When I did she asked if she could come over today!!! She's coming over at 4. This will be the first time that she has been at the house in six weeks and the first time that we've been here together since she left. Pray for me and send me some positive mental vibes!!!
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Okay. More new developments. She called me this morning while I was at church and left a message asking me to call her back. When I did she asked if she could come over today!!! She's coming over at 4. This will be the first time that she has been at the house in six weeks and the first time that we've been here together since she left. Pray for me and send me some positive mental vibes!!!
Great news!!! What are your plans while she is over? Going to have dinner or just hang out?
Dinner started out good. I resolved to remain positive no matter what. It was mostly small talk and what not during dinner. I cracked a few jokes and got a smile or two. Nothing big really.