respond or stay still?

[heartbreak2]

I saw H last night for the first time in a month. He looked tired, aged had on jeans and have not seen him wear jeans in a long time.

I had to go to mall kids came with me and S called H for he lives near there. He met him at the bookstore and I was just getting ready to leave when there he was walking down the aisle towards me.

He talked about work and d and himself. Not once asked about my uncle who is in the ICU

this was the first civil not D conversation in 4 months.

this morning my dog died suddenly. I believe he was in heart
failure and I was taking him to the vet as soon as they opened and he laid down by my bed and I sat on the floor next to him and he got quiet and died. Like he knew that I could not handle taking him to the vet and having to make the decision. He made it for me.
my s was home but my d was at a friends. she did not get home in time and was so upset for she did not believe my txt msg and hr earlier that he was very sick and she needed to come home.

she called h and was crying and woke him up and she pulled herself together and he asked her.. are you joking? she told me this tonight.

he showed up and was compassionate and kind towards me for he did not like this dog for it was my golden that I got when I realized having more kids was not a good idea.
so he was my baby.

he made the phone calls for the arrangements and stayed and when I was sitting with chess he came in and laid on the bed and talked to me while I sat on the floor with the dog.

he was making no effort to leave so i made him breakfast and his phone rang and he ignored it. but left as soon as he ate.
he hugged me several times and let me hug him and held me before he left and told me he wants to be there at times like this and if we need him. he wants to be a part of things like this.
wants to be able to talk to me but does not want me to take this that he wants to come back.

so...he left and I have a knot in my stomach it has been all day and the pain will not go away
I thanked him and while he was here I didn't cry that much and I was stronger than I thought I could ever be. tonight I am still numb.

part of me wants him to wake up for it is a yr this wk since he asked to come home and stayed for 8 days.
it is 18 mon since he left.

d and him had a huge fight on fri. over ticket to a concert that I was going to with the kids and he was going to also.
she told him to grow up and stop being so immature we are going to see the singer not ea other.

he did call me and tell me that he realized we need to talk and that we can both go and it would be ok.

now he was in vegas with his sister>? for a long wkend.
this is so odd for he is going to disney with her and ow in 2 wks.
I wonder if he had a trip with ow planned and she is out of hte picture? not sure why his sister would fly here and then to vegas.
ok I am dreaming