I am really starting to wonder if my h is in MLC or if he just a lying manipulator. Not sure what is what. He acted like all was well and good with life in front of his family and was constantly here and crying to me. Finally, his family has had the blinders pulled off. Not sure what happened with the list of psychologists FIL gave H. I am sure nothing happened. H will be self medicating his problems with MOW.
H came by today. I really tried to be pleasant as possible without him feeling like I was kissing his a**. I am done with that. Time to change things up a little. SIL said that the family was going to change things up as well. Before they totally ignored his behavior. Gave him a free place to live and let him be. Not sure how they are going to change things, but....we shall see.
Obviously what we all were doing was not working. I am not saying I am not going to remain standing, but I am going to take more of the focus off H and let him feel me pulling back a little. Not a game, just self preservation.
So with H back in the tunnel, and I am assuming back to MOW, he asked what we were doing for thanksgiving. I told him I bought stuff to make dinner, but if his family was doing something I would drop the kids off to spend it with them. H said that he didn't want me to spend it alone. I told him it was ok. He then said no it is not. We dropped the subject when d12 came in the room. To be continued.
I did not mention anything about H coming to have thanksgiving with us. I think that would be too upsetting to s15. I also feel like H has his family when it is convenient for him only. You can't have it both ways is what i am trying to get at and lately he has been. So ....we shall see what happens between now and Thursday.
I hate the fact that my kids are missing out on quality family time because of all of this. I have the fact that H gets angry and runs to MOW. I hate the fact that he won't grow up and get some help. I honestly think he never will at this point. I really do. I thought the past 6 weeks he was making a little progress, but now i feel like he was totally manipulating me...perhaps so that I would help him with s15.
As he was told by his sister, he will not get s15 back until he shows him that he is someone he can respect. Not someone who cheats on his wife and leaves his family.
Anyway, gotta run. Have a house full of teenagers. Nothing beats that.
Snodderly, if you are out there, I hope that all is well with your dad and that you have a blessed holiday. I have been thinking of you.
Lissie.. you are so right. The back and forth is exhausting. I admire your strength. I think we came on the boards within a few months of each other and I see you getting stronger and stronger....and here I am still hanging on. Sometimes I think that shows how weak I am. Still waiting for someone who obviously has no interest in returning. Has found something better and will not get the help he needs to turn back home.
Thanks for letting me journal. It is so much easier to handle when you can get it out this way.
Oh well. Still standing....but I feel like I am barefoot standing on glass.
