Everybody's Caught in a Spin...

[Daybreak]

Well, I did promise to visit here this evening. W and S have an evening out tonight and D is away for the weekend - so it's a quiet evening for me...

For some odd reason, I am beginning to think that W is trying her level best to get me so frustrated concerning our sitch that I will be the first one to "break" (meaning to leave). It gets very frustrating that I go out of my way day in and day out to actively listen / validate / empathize with W's struggles and she takes absolutely no interest in my work struggles / home thoughts / etc. After being at this for so long, it takes a lot of effort to keep the positives in mind:

* W has not physically left our house or our bedroom
* W is very devoted to our kids
* W shows no outward signs of pushing for a more definitive break
* W goes out of her way to tell me who she is going to be with on the evenings she has something planned
* W's expenditures are very transparent and she goes out of her way to let me know what she is planning to spend on herself

I suspect that when she finds out I did an initial consult with an attorney with the firm that handled our wills, she will flip. But the more I think about it, the more I am ready for it. Since this is the path she told me she wants to go down, I will do all I can to protect my interests and those of our kids.

But I also have to let her know that I "let her go" a long time ago. That I will not be caught up in her drama - her angst - her victimhood.

One positive I took away from my attorney consult is that those women who have been in multiple marriages are extremely reluctant to leave once the "cold hard facts" are laid before them. I have to trust my instincts to do the right thing by all of us. Regardless - I will come out of this a much better person than I went in over six years ago...