David - I'm sorry - I was having a little fun - I knew it was an allegory.....
But to answer your serious question.....
I don't know.
I never wanted to be in this position....I don't believe in divorce. I never wanted my children to come from a "broken home". I took my vows seriously.
And I thought that I was marrying someone who felt the same way.
But he is not the man that I thought he was.
In my opinion, a true man doesn't cause pain to his wife and children. A true man doesn't consider himself first. A true man doesn't lie and cheat. A true man doesn't walk out on his family.
He has caused me a great deal of pain. And it is hard for me to remember the man I married. Now I just see a self centered, miserable SOB who has destroyed everything in his path to find HIS "happiness".
But most of all, I see someone who put his feelings above his daughters' feelings. I see someone who has cared less about the impact on them. And he is...more and more...putting them on the back burner by missing important events in their lives. I never wanted this for my children. They didn't ask for this...they don't deserve this. I absolutely hate him when I think of the pain he has caused them.
I don't know if I belong here. I have questioned that from the beginning. I don't know if he is in MLC. I don't know if I am standing. I don't know that I want to go through years of this, with the worse apparently to come.
If this were a titled disease and my H was diagnosed with it, I may feel differently. But there seems to be some question as to whether or not it is real. Is it just an excuse for bad behavior? Is it just an excuse to take a "time out" in a marriage?
I consider this...all of this...the verbal blows, the leaving, the destroying of a family (not to mention extented family and friends) to be incredibly selfish. I read about these incredible women, like MrsH and Shades...Lissie and Cinders and many more, who are just getting abused by these men....and I think why are any of us doing this? Is it really worth it to have to deal with all of this? Why do we want to be with these men? Quite simply and understated - they aren't very nice.
I do remember my vows...that d*mn "for better or for worse" statement..... And it is what makes me not make the move to file....it does make me wait....it does make me have some patience with this thing.
But, to be honest....
I don't predict a "happily ever after" with my H and I. I know that I am at the beginning of all of this, but my gut feeling tells me that he is gone for good. I think he is more of a WAS than a MLC, if I understand the differences correctly. And a WAS is less likely to come home.
And even if there were a miracle and he wanted to come home....I just don't know that I could have him home. I read about the ones who do come home and I have so much respect and admiration for the LBS who stood and waited for them. I don't know that I can.
So now I am crying. I am crying because I have to put up 3 stockings this year, instead of 4....I'm crying because I can't put up all of the ornaments because I have to divide them in half and give H what is rightfully his (because even though he is h*ll bent on doing the wrong things, I'll be d*mned if I stoop to his level), I'm crying because I trusted this man that I knew for 10 years before I married him and he decided to betray that trust by becoming involved with someone else...I'm crying because he now tells her that he loves her...words that he used to say to me.
I'm sorry, David....the question brought out the worst in me...
