No, I don't guess I do DomR. I just feel kind of used up. In just a little over two weeks we will have been married for 42 years and he doesn't change....not in positive ways anyway. I sound like a broken record trying to explain, but he has always waited on me to "make" the marriage. I can't seem to get inspired or encouraged. Maybe I'm down b/c of the Fibromyalgia today......but I am about to give up. Not on life......but on us having a R as I used to hope that we would have. Especially, if I can't have any feelings toward him. I'm not good a faking feelings and he knows me too well. Besides, I tried that too many times where sex was concerned and it would end badly.
I want you to know that I have appreciated you trying your best to keep me encouraged. I know you have just run out of things to say to me and I certainly don't blame anyone for that. But, I don't have the energy to do what I used to and I need for him to put forth some effort into the MR but I think he is "comfortable" where we are and isn't going to try any harder than what he is doing right now. We seem to act like other "old couples" I always said I would never be like. I hate it, but I don't have anything stirring inside to urge me on.
I gave up three jobs at church last week and after Christmas, I will probably give up another one. I used to be able to throw myself into my church work when I didn't receive the emotional fulfillment from my MR, but I can't hold out to do that anymore, so I finally gave it up. I am so sad today b/c I should have been there decorating for tomorrow's Thanksgiving dinner, but I wasn't able. I don't feel like cooking and I won't know until in the morning if I will even be able to attend services. I shouldn't try to write when I'm this down.....sorry. You have been a good friend.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
