What a good year this has been.....

[forever21]

Good afternoon.

Wanted to report in. My appointment with my attorney went well this morning. Spent 2 hours with him. We meet again next week. He now thinks I should file for divorce. Not a problem with me. It's nice to be ready for this move. I'm feeling really good... strong and hopeful.

Last night, my H wasn't happy that I wouldn't be signing that quit claim. He sent some immature text messages to me, the last one saying that I better be ready to show the house, that he hopes I have some money or can get a job real quick, no heat, no electricity, no more money from him till a judge forces him to pay. It didn't really scare me, but I thought he might actually go withdraw the money from our checking. An automatic deposit had just went in yesterday.

I went to our bank first thing in the morning. It worked out perfectly, as I was already borrowing my Mom's car in the morning for my L appt. I had 45 minutes to spare. The gal at my bank was already informed of my sitch by the branch manager I'd spoken with last week. This gal just went through a similar situation recently it turns out. We visited again later in the morning when I returned to finish my business there. Told her about the boards. She's divorced but it sounds like it might be helpful for her.

Anywho, earlier this morning I was able to have cashier's checks issued for bills that are coming up due in the next week or two and I took out just a couple hundred dollars for my own expenses. When I returned later, H had taken out almost all the remaining money less than half an hour after I had completed my transactions. He'd gone to a branch as soon as he could, as he just got off work this morning. It sure has felt like everything has just fallen in place for me, especially today.

I'm on my way to go pick up my Mom. I'm packing up the dogs and we're gonna stay the night with my folks. So they get a doggie vaca on the farm again. My bro and his girlfriend arrive tomorrow for a couple day visit. I'm ready to see family. Lots of good stuff.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. We have so much to be thankful for. Love and peace. f21

[BethM]

Hi Sweetie,

Thanks so much for the Thanksgiving wishes. I should have come over here sooner to check on you but this week I was very easily distracted. Poor excuse! Anway, I hope your day was a good one and that you found lots to smile about!

Sorry to see that your husband is not playing fair. I know that you hoped that that wouldn't be the case. To bad that you weren't as big a jerk as him or you might have beat him to the punch and withdrawn all of the money yourself. That's ok because at least you can live with your self. Funny how the woman in the bank came out of the woodwork to tell you her story and to sympathize. These angels just seem to come to us when we need them the most and to help us to put together the missing pieces.

You sweetie are way too good to be treated like this and I'm feel so sad that your ex doesn't understand it.

If you need me:[e-mail]

Love,
Bethie

[forever21]

Hi Bethie!

Great to hear from ya! No excuses needed. I've been meaning to stop by your thread too but haven't posted like I'd like to. I had a really nice Thanksgiving. Enjoyed it very much. There was certainly lots to smile about. Hope you found the same on your day!

Ya know, it's been a real blessing for me lately.... my H not playing fair. It's made it a no-brainer for me to know which direction I'm needing to move in. Not having as many unknowns has relieved so much of my anxiety. I've felt pretty darn good lately. I know I'm doing the right thing.

Lol. When I was trying to decide whether I should take $100 or $200 cash out for myself and thinking out loud, I'd asked the gal at my bank (who'd been through a similar sitch) what she thought. She said if it was her she'd take it all out. hehee. I couldn't do that, and didn't think it was the right move even if I could. I didn't know if maybe my reaction to his threat would start the ball rolling in that direction, etc. I can't blame her, but you sure can't beat feeling good about your choices and not second guessing yourself. After listening to his voicemails later on, I've no doubt he was going to withdraw it all regardless. He wasn't very happy that I'd made it there before him. I'm soooo happy I did. He said he was going to leave enough to buy dog food for the dogs. Nice, huh? He did leave $27. What? Does he think they eat Alpo or something? I already stopped buying them organic and went to iams. Sheesh.

There are definitely angels that were sent for me. It just doesn't stop. I just got a copy of the police report on H's arrest in August. Yuck. He seems to have found someone he can abuse. Icky, icky, icky.

Thank you, dear! Bless your heart. I should be over in the D forum soon. I met with my C today. See my L again on Wednesday. Things are moving along, have a lot of homework to do tomorrow. Started car shopping, thinking about going back to college, a lot of good stuff.

Peace and love, f21

[NikB]

Awww f21 I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this stuff!!

Glad you took out the extra $100 cash.. that made me smile. Should've taken it all!! (ok so maybe not really.. but that made me smile too).

Wow that report must've been freaky to read.

It's strange but almost good to see you excited about moving to the D forum. Was it Julie who talked about the "class of 07" "class of 08" thing?? It's like this camraderie with everyone who suffered (and triumphed) with you. So painful but yet such connections too.

Anyway glad for the good stuff.

And

((((((((((f21)))))))))))))

For all the tough stuff.

[forever21]

Great to hear from you, NikB!

Ya know, I'm not sorry I have to be dealing with this stuff. It's tough at times, but I really feel it's all happening the way it's supposed to. I'm moving on up.

Glad you took out the extra $100 cash.. that made me smile. Should've taken it all!! (ok so maybe not really.. but that made me smile too).

Hehe, yeah, should've taken it all!! It's funny to think of, but don't really wish I had.

Yes, that police report was sad. I didn't cry over it or let it get me down, but it affected me some. I'm just choosing to take the positives out of it all. It reminded me that he was trying to blame our past R problems for his current anger right after that incident (it's never his fault), when we'd talked on the phone after he'd been in jail. It's a little strange for me not to feel hopeful that the group and individual C that he's apparently in will do anything for him. I'm obviously no longer believing he will ever take responsibility for himself and truly change for the better. I guess I'm really over him. I have let go. I also remember that I was doing a good job at not taking his actions or attitude personally before he left, which is nice. I didn't make it possible to be his victim like he might've been looking for then, though I definitely felt overly hurt after he did leave. I'm so thankful for being as strong as I was. Part of me feels a little sad for the OW, but I don't feel bad for her... just a bit sorry for her I guess. Glad I'm not her. All I can do is take care of me, and I think I'm doing a good job with that. It's nice to not be hurting over this stuff. Really nice.

It's strange but almost good to see you excited about moving to the D forum. Was it Julie who talked about the "class of 07" "class of 08" thing?? It's like this camraderie with everyone who suffered (and triumphed) with you. So painful but yet such connections too.

Yeah, it's sorta strange to me too but it just seems to be right for me now. I don't recall the "class of" thing, but my memory isn't good. The feeling of community is certainly nice here. It's something I wasn't giving myself before. It's one of the things that is attractive to me while I consider going back to college. Yesterday I went to an academic fair at the college I'm considering going to and immediately met some really nice people. It's set up so you can really get to know the students and faculty you're studying with over each quarter or two through the use of smaller focused groups.

I'll post more in a minute.

Thanks for stopping by, NikB!!!

((((((((NikB)))))))

f21

[forever21]

If you couldn't tell, I'm excited about that college and the idea of going full-time. That's what I'm thinking I should do right now.

Yesterday when I met with my L it was not sounding so hopeful for me to be able to go back to school. He told me it was looking like either bankruptcy so I could go to school, or just start working. (The week before he'd told me to talk with my C about what he thought would be my quickest path to independence, school or work. My C said definitely school, and went on to tell me I was worrying too much about the finances even though he knows the situation.) I left there feeling a little lost and overwhelmed, didn't know what to do. I know my L was probably just brainstorming with me and preparing me for what a judge might say (that I don't have the "luxury" of going to school... as if it's a luxury), but it wasn't reassuring that he didn't know what my solutions were. He seemed stumped himself.

Lots of tough decisions with pros and cons to each, all affecting the other it seemed. It didn't help that I was then downtown without a car, because I'd taken a bus to the appointment. Wouldn't be a big deal to someone who is used to using public transportation I figure, but I'm not totally used to it. It's all good though. Everything... every single challenge... has been for good reason and has opened doors.

After I relaxed at a coffee shop for a bit and vented to and talked with a couple friends by phone, I went into this state career center and talked with a nice gal there. She was a good connection for me, including personally. I then forced myself to continue with my plan for the afternoon and made the visit to the college. I am SOOO glad I did.

I talked with some different faculty and then I started to look at this all a little differently. Two particular folks really helped me ask myself... Why was I going to leave it up to some judge to decide whether I could go to school or not? That's not right. I deserve the opportunity to make a good living. I supported my H through two careers after passing up a Stanford education for myself to stay with him, and he's making a decent salary and working in a job he loves. I'm thinking about just applying and saying that I am going to college... rather than leaving it up in the air, and thus as a choice for someone else to make. I don't see why I could not work also while I'm going to school, as long as I don't take too heavy a load. And maybe I go one quarter and decide it was all I needed to give me the jump start I could use. I can always go to school part-time then.

I'm supposed to schedule my next appointment with L for either tomorrow or Monday. He has things about ready to file. We're just trying to decide on the longer-term division of property, as he thinks it will help to show that our long-term plan makes sense so that they will grant the short-term orders now. I need to work on that some more. Really analyze it. I'm going to email my L now to tell him what I'm thinking about college, that I don't know if it's a good idea to be telling the courts I'm still trying to decide on whether I want to just go to work or go to school.

Thanks for listening.

[inspiredjulie]

WOO HOO!!! Keggers at F21's! You are going to join a sorority, right?

You're just doing so great, sweetie. Keep pushing full steam ahead, but remember, there will be those times when it feels like you're going backward. This is a marathon, not a sprint. So be sure to keep yourself nourished and paced to stay steady and strong the whole way thru.

Just so glad you're really thinking school now. I really like that idea. It really sounds like something you've been 'regretting' not doing. SO NO MORE REGRETS, babe. Life is only as good as we can make it.

Love you!

[forever21]

LOL, Jules! No keggers here. Sorority... ummm, I don't think so.

Thanks, girl!! I'm trying to keep pushing ahead. I definitely feel like I'm moving at a snail's pace compared to the pace I think I should be moving at. I am taking good care of myself. Good analogy for me to keep in mind... it's a marathon.

No regrets... that's right! That's the only way to go. I can't really say that I regret not getting a college degree when I was younger though... but maybe that's not what you're saying. College is not what I chose then. I really didn't feel I missed out on anything there at that time. Of course it's always easy to look back in hindsight and think that we maybe should have done things differently and I'm sure I've griped about stuff like that plenty, but that feels way different to me than having true regrets. I mean, on that thought, I can say that I shouldn't have married this man, etc, but it is what was meant to be.... I really believe that. This does feel right for me right now and I'm definitely living with no regrets.

Life is only as good as we can make it.

I so agree with you! And life is good!!!!

Thanks again!! You're da best.

[BethM]

Yeah F21..you could join Julie's old sorority...Alpha Chi HO

So I was going to ask that same question. Why would you let anyone (judge or not) decide your fate? I'm so glad to see that you've taken it into your own hands. I always believe that where
there's a will there's a way. Besides, you've already given up enough for someone who wasn't man enough to appreciate you.

I was sorry to read about the police report and all of the other crap, ok realizations that you've had to deal with. You are one strong cookie!

Keep doing what your doing in taking back your life. GIRL POWER!!! (Hey I like the Spice Girls)

Love,
Bethie

[forever21]

Bethie!!!

You really put a smile on my face. I giggled like a Spice Girl when I read your post. You get me. And no, I wasn't a Spice Girl fan.

LMAO at Julie's sorority, Alpha Chi HO. Okay, it might be the wine but I'm getting a good laugh outta that. I hear that is what haters call them. Beth, are you jealous? They're supposed to be some of the classiest ladies around. I will admit that Julie qualifies. Okay, had to use the disappearing ink on that. Good thing SallyM taught us that trick.

So I was going to ask that same question. Why would you let anyone (judge or not) decide your fate? I'm so glad to see that you've taken it into your own hands. I always believe that where
there's a will there's a way. Besides, you've already given up enough for someone who wasn't man enough to appreciate you.

I'm glad you were thinking the same thing. f21 is going to college. lol. Go ahead, laugh... I am. But I am. I'm going. I'll do it, too.

Seriously, I'm looking forward to my future. It is nice to know you were going to ask that same question. Things are going to be good for me. I've no doubt. I have made some changes to my L's draft for temporary orders and I'll see what he thinks of them.

Thanks, Bethie. It means a lot to me that you see I am one strong cookie. GIRL POWER!!!

Love you! f21